Tattoo Dreams
by StoryPainter
Summary: Bella had a crush on Alice's brother, Edward. When she finally gets the courage to let him know, she meets ultimate rejection and her infatuation turns to hatred. Years later Alice refers Bella to a tattoo artist who she claims is the best...AH/AU
1. Prologue

Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight. I just like to manipulate her characters a little.

This little story is just an idea that popped into my head and I wanted to see where it would take me. The prologue will be followed shortly by Chapter One. I'm writing this one and posting it almost immediately so I can't guarantee it will be perfect but I thought it would be fun. The story is rated M for a very good reason. If you've read any of my other stories you will probably be surprised by the change. I want to warn you that it will be quite graphic and have lots of citrusy goodness which is something none of my other stories include. There will be explicit language and I do not suggest that those under 17 read this. Of course, I can't stop you, just know that you have been warned!

Enjoy my ramblings...

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**Prologue**

I waited in his bed for him to come home and discover me there. Even though I knew what kind of person he was and that he did not love me, I wanted Edward Cullen to be my first. He was my best friend's twin brother so I was a little worried that things would be weird between us if she found out but I had to take that chance. No one made my body react like Edward. Every time he walked in the room, my heart skipped a beat and my body tingled. The few times Edward had touched me I felt a surge of electricity course through to my core. He made it completely obvious that he had no feelings for me beyond those of friendship. If they even ran that deep. Edward was a ladies' man and had plenty of girls willing to take care of his every need. I had no disillusion that he would fall in love with me after taking my virginity. That knowledge didn't change my desire to have him be the first one inside me. I wanted Edward Cullen.

The door creaked open quietly and my body began to tremble. There was the chance he was not alone. That would be utterly embarrassing. Another possibility was his rejection. That would devastate me. Whether or not he wanted it, Edward had my heart. I tried hard to hide my infatuation but I was pretty sure he was well aware of my fixation with him. I watched his silhouette and almost sighed in relief when it became apparent he had not brought anyone home with him. He didn't turn on the light as he undressed and headed into the bathroom. My heart was pounding so loudly that I was certain he could hear every beat. When he came back out, my heart literally stopped beating. I caught a glimpse of his naked form before he turned out the bathroom light and headed to bed. I lay there unable to make my presence known as he climbed in beside me. For a moment I thought I could just stay perfectly still and sneak out when he fell asleep. He would never even know I had been there. That line of thought lasted until he rolled over to get comfortable.

"What the hell?" He hissed when his arm came in contact with my side. My voice failed me when I attempted to answer him. He reached out again and jumped out of bed when he realized there was, in fact, someone in his bed. Edward turned on the light and just stood there shocked when he saw me laying there.

"Bella?" His eyes darkened as he glanced down at my bare shoulders. I looked down and noticed the covers had slipped off of me somewhat when he floundered to get out of bed and turn on the light. Although I was still mostly covered, it was blatantly obvious that I was not wearing a shirt – and he appeared to assume I was not wearing anything else either. After a few moments he shook his head. "What are you doing in my room? Did you get lost on your way to Alice's?" He stood there in all his glory and didn't even try to cover himself. I blushed ferociously when he realized I was ogling every inch of his body. He smirked and started walking slowly back over to me.

"Bella, what are you doing lying in my bed without any clothes on?" Edward's voice was deeper than usual and I inhaled heavily at the effect it had on my ever increasing heart beat.

"I…I thought maybe you might want some company?" The statement came out more as a question and I realized how stupid I was to even be there. He could have any girl he wanted. How on earth did I ever convince myself Edward would want to be with me? I was inexperienced and plain. He was gorgeous and well-versed in the area of lovemaking.

"You're in dangerous waters Isabella Swan." His desire laced tone gave me the courage I needed.

"I want you to fuck me Edward Cullen." I tried my best to sound confident and hoped he didn't notice how truly nervous I was.

"I'm not going to fuck you Bella." My heart sank at his words. He tried to continue speaking but I didn't want to hear anymore, especially if he was going to start giving me excuses. I hopped out of his bed as quickly as I could, grabbed my robe off the floor and ran down the hall to the guest room I was supposed to be staying in that night. Before I could be humiliated further, I dressed and quietly left the house. My truck was loud and I worried that it would wake the whole family but I had to get out of there.

It wasn't until I was on my street that I realized I couldn't go home tonight. Charlie thought I was staying the night at Alice's. He would hear me come in and I would have to try to think of some lie as to why I was coming home in the middle of the night. My lying skills sucked so I decided to try to find somewhere else to spend the night. Alice would be worried about me when she noticed my absence. How was I going to explain to her what happened? At least I only two weeks to get through before I was heading off to college. Maybe I could avoid ever having to tell Alice about what had just happened in her brother's room. Hopefully, I would never have to see Edward again. I pulled into the parking lot of a super store that stayed open 24 hours and made myself as comfortable as possible in the cab of my decrepit old truck. The tears started flowing then and I didn't even try to stop them. For two years I pined after Edward fucking Cullen. I had thrown myself at him only to be rejected. He had freely given into practically every girl in town but refused to be with me for just one stupid night.

That's moment I realized I hated Edward Cullen.

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**A/N:** So...there it is. Please let me know if you think this train is even worth riding. This is such a different angle for me and I'm actually pretty nervous about how it will be received. Fuel my ego and tell you loved it or feed my insecurity and tell me it's terrible. *goes into hiding with a red face*


	2. Perception of a Dream

**Disclaimer: **Stephenie Meyer owns the characters, I just like to use them for my own personal amusement. No harm intended.

**A/N:** Thanks for the responses to the prologue! I'm so glad it sparked some interest.

Okay, I'm taking a few liberties here since this is fanfiction. I'm not going to go into detail regarding looks, relationships, etc. because it gets so old reading those over and over and it's boring writing the same thing as well. Alice and Edward are twins. They are the children of Carlisle and Esme Cullen. Emmett is their big brother. All pairings are cannon at this point except Bella/Edward. If there is anything still left unclear please let me know!! There is mention of adult topics in this chapter so I want to remind everyone this story is intended for a mature audience. This story is intended to be a mixture of humor and drama so I hope it conveys that and doesn't feel too serious. Bella's admissions are meant to be funny so it's okay to laugh. She will eventually too. She's just on medication and emotional due to some confusing things going on in her life.

Shutting up now...sheesh

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**Chapter One**

**Perception of a Dream**

I am a walking disaster. If there is danger within a five mile radius, I will find it. If there is a way to hurt yourself doing the most mundane of things, I will discover it. Alice and I were shopping in downtown Port Angeles trying to find a dress for a party she insisted on throwing in honor of my 23rd birthday. I didn't know why I couldn't just wear something I already owned. Of course, Alice was appalled with that notion. I just didn't feel the need to dress to impress anymore. After hours of searching, we finally found a dress that Alice deemed suitable and were headed back to her car. Unfortunately, we were on the second level of the mall so we had to use the escalator to get back down to the main floor. When I went to step off the damn thing, my untied shoe lace caught on a step and I watched in horror as it sunk under the yellow line of caution. I completely lost my balance when the lace pulled tight causing me to fall sideways; I collided with the railing full force before somehow twisting and slamming into the ground. I'm sure if anyone happened to be filming me at the time it would end up as a top ten video on youtube by the end of the day. All thoughts of the embarrassment of the situation vanished when I heard Alice's scream of horror. My eyes traveled the length of my body trying to assess the damage of my most recent feat of clumsiness when I noticed my right leg was at a very odd angle.

Waves of dizziness took over my senses and I felt nauseous for a moment before the darkness descended. From what seemed like a far way off I could hear voices around me that sounded frantic. As the voices got louder my heart began to beat faster. I caught snippets of what was being said and the words did nothing to alleviate the sense of dread I felt. Alice was yelling at someone to help me and begging him or her not to let "them" take me. She was obviously crying so it was hard to make out everything she said through her sobs. I felt two warm arms wrap around me and the ground fall away. Whoever was holding me made me feel safe. I slowly drifted back into unconsciousness as my heart started to calm.

My eye lids were heavy as I attempted to open them. Once I finally pried them open a little, I slammed them shut against the blinding light. My head was pounding and my entire body was in agony. I desperately tried to remember the reason for the pain but all I could remember was shopping with Alice. There was an annoying steady beeping noise that I vaguely recognized from my many trips to the hospital. Without having to open my eyes, I knew where I was even though I had no idea why.

The door opened and I heard quiet footsteps slowly make their way over to my side. The person didn't start checking my vital signs so I knew it was a visitor rather than a nurse or doctor. I wanted to ask what happened but I couldn't get the words to form. My body seemed to be rebelling against me at the moment. As my anxiety grew I heard the incessant beeping of the heart monitor increase in tempo. A warm hand stroked my arm and a familiar voice whispered "shhh" in order to soothe my nerves. The touch and tone were comforting. My mind began to calm as my visitor continued to ease the tension. The door opened again and I immediately recognized the voice of the person who entered. I figured I must be back in Forks because Carlisle Cullen was my doctor. His steady hand touched and prodded making me wince in pain. He quickly apologized and asked if I could hear him. I managed to get my head to nod but I was still unable to open my eyes or speak. He asked me if I remembered what happened and I shook my head. His hands went to my head and covered every inch of my scalp as if searching for something.

"There is still no sign of any contusions and the MIR was clear. I'm fairly confident you did not sustain any type of head injury. You do, however, have a few broken ribs on your left side and the femur bone of your right leg is broken in two places. I had to set the breaks in your leg surgically and you now have a cast that starts at your hip and stops just below your knee to insure the bone is kept in place while it heals. At this time, I don't think you'll need more than a brace for the ribs but you will have to promise me that you will move as little as possible or I'll have to put you in a body cast." Carlisle always told me like it was and I was grateful that he never sugar coated anything. "You're going to need a great deal of assistance once you leave the hospital and you won't be able to walk for at least six weeks. I'm going to have the nurses cut back a little on the sedatives so you should be able to open your eyes and talk soon. Are you in pain?" He finally asked and I nodded my head as vigorously as I was able.

He quickly apologized and let me know a nurse would be in shortly to put more pain medication in my IV before he left the room. I was surrounded in silence but I knew I was not alone. I could still sense the presence of my visitor. He didn't say anything and I really started to wonder who it was. His voice was so familiar but I was unable to put a face with it. After a few minutes, he moved back over to my bed and resumed his earlier ministrations this time adding a hand to stroke my hair as well as my arm. I quickly fell into a peaceful sleep.

Alice's shrill, angry voice woke me and I was frustrated with the interruption. I couldn't remember exactly was I was dreaming about but I knew I had been enjoying it. I groaned loudly at the tone of her voice and it stopped instantly. She was at my side in a second telling me how worried she had been about me. I wondered how long I had been unconscious. Alice squeezed my hand and I could tell she really wanted to hug me. I laughed slightly and then cringed at the pain it caused in my chest. A male voice chastised her for making me laugh and Alice proclaimed her innocence. I was more focused on trying to determine who was in the room with her. I was pretty certain he was the same person who had been here when I awoke earlier.

Once again, I attempted to open my eyes and was surprised to find they opened rather easily. After a few moments they adjusted to the bright light and I found Alice beaming down at me. She was obviously elated to see me awake. I felt a tinge of guilt when I noticed the streaks of tear paths down her cheeks and the knowledge that my clumsiness had caused them. I tightened my grip on her hand in apology. Without words, Alice knew exactly what I was trying to express to her. I had really missed Alice during our four years of separation. We had chosen different colleges and were only able to see each other during holidays and breaks. When I returned to Forks two weeks before, I had been concerned about whether or not our bond would still be as strong. I realized within mere moments that we were just as in tune with each other as ever even though we were practically fighting over my intention to move in with Mike once we found a suitable apartment.

To say Alice was upset when she found out Mike Newton and I were dating would be a severe understatement. Two years later, she was no less displeased. I felt Mike was a good choice. He had a secure job helping run his parents' sporting goods store and I could write my column from just about anywhere. Coming back to Forks, although completely surprising to my mom, just seemed like the natural choice. Alice saw it as a new opportunity to remind me of all the reasons she believed Mike and I were all wrong for each other.

In high school I had referred to Mike as my loyal golden retriever due to his tendency to follow me around and his inability to take no for an answer. He asked me out so many times that I ran out of nice ways of letting him down. Even when my responses became more and more blunt, Mike refused to give up his quest. Rather than go to our senior prom alone I had given in but made him promise he would not ask me out again after that. He broke his promise two weeks after the dance and went right back to openly pursuing me. When we ended up at the same university, it was only a matter of time before I gave in to his unrelenting pursuit. One night, after another horrible evening wasted on a member of the opposite sex, Mike showed up at my door with a dozen roses and promises to never hurt me. We had been together ever since. He was comfortable and devoted to making me happy. I decided true, passionate love was only real in fairy tales. Alice thought I was settling. I thought I was being realistic.

"Here it's time to open your present. I can't wait any longer." I looked down in disbelief as she laid a wrapped box next to me. She must have guessed the reason for my puzzlement because she quickly explained her impatience. "Bella, it's Sunday." Her words took a moment to sink in. We had gone shopping on Wednesday. My birthday was Saturday. I had missed my birthday. I had been unconscious for over three days.

"Where's Charlie?" I asked knowing he was probably worried sick about me.

"He has been here as much as he could. Dad called him a little while ago to let him know you should be awake tonight when he gets off work. I think Charlie would have rushed right over if he could but he's dealing with cases of vandalism to some of the stores downtown. He's been so worried about you," Alice informed me as she patted my hand. The sound of someone clearing his throat brought my attention back to my mystery visitor.

When I looked up, I shook my head in disbelief. Edward Cullen had been the one sitting vigil at my bedside. He had been the one tenderly touching and comforting me. I tried to think of a time when I didn't sense his presence while I was asleep and realized he had been here the entire time. His being there made absolutely no sense. We hated each other. We hadn't spoken since that horrible night right before I left for school. The intensity in his eyes distracted me. All I saw there was genuine concern. I was so confused. He had blatantly avoided me anytime I was visiting Forks during the last four years. I had only caught glimpses of him here or there. He never looked at me the few times he was forced to be in the same room with me. So, why was he here looking at me like his life revolved around me?

"Of course, Mike has been adamant about getting in to see you but dad just keeps telling him you can't have visitors. He has no idea that Edward hasn't" Edward interrupted her before she could finish that sentence but I knew what she had been about to say. It just confirmed what I already believed.

Luckily, the door opened and Dr. Cullen walked in dissipating the tension in the room. He walked right over to me after greeting his children and began asking me questions about how I was feeling. I was happy to admit the pain was minimal.

The next two weeks were spent in the hospital and right when I thought I was going to lose my mind I learned I was going to be released in the next day or two. The only problem was I would need constant assistance. I would need help bathing, dressing, eating, everything. There was no way Mike could be there all the time and our relationship was already strained enough due to some recent events. Charlie would not be able to help me around the clock either nor could I let him help me bathe. I shuttered at the thought. Alice happily insisted that I stay at the Cullen home and refused to take no for an answer. She would be there as much as possible and Esme could assist me during the day when Alice had to work. The only aspect that was not ideal was the fact that Edward would be there as well. Despite our unspoken truce and my confusion regarding his caring actions, I was reluctant to spend so much time in such close proximity. But, I had no other option.

During the first week of my time at the Cullens, Edward stayed away completely. Mike came around to visit as often as he could the first few days I was there but resented that I had refused to let him take me back to his parents' house. I hated the idea of Mrs. Newton seeing me naked more than I worried about having to spend time with Edward. Plus, his entire family worked at the store so I would be left alone for the majority of the day. Being bedridden was bad enough without having to spend most of my time by myself. We fought every time he came over and after the first week he resorted to calling and texting instead.

"What's going through that pretty little head of yours missy?" Alice had just come home from work and found me musing over my relationship with Mike, which I did a lot lately.

"Mike," was my only response. She plopped down on the chair next to my bed and sighed loudly.

"Do you want to talk about it?" She asked.

"I don't know, Alice. It's kind of embarrassing actually." I really didn't want to tell her why I had seriously started doubting spending my future with Mike.

"Bells, you can tell me anything. I know I haven't been very supportive of your relationship with Mike, but I promise to try to stay open minded." She tried to be reassuring but I knew she just wanted to hear what she assumed was some juicy information.

"Okay, I really need to talk to someone about this but you have to promise not to tell anyone." She nodded too quickly in agreement to my request. "I mean it, Alice. You can't tell a single soul what I'm about to tell you." I searched her face for any signs that she could not be trusted but knew that, above all else, Alice was my best friend. She would never do anything to hurt me.

"I promise," she assured me when I didn't immediately continue.

"Mike and I had sex for the first time the Saturday before my birthday."

"Seriously?" Alice was stunned by my admission. We didn't make it a habit of discussing our sex lives but I knew she had assumed Mike and I were sexually active. I just never bothered to correct her.

"Alice, it was awful." I buried my face in my hands with my admission. The truth was it was beyond horrible.

"Explain," she responded rather forcefully and I recognized the anger in her tone. She wasn't mad at me, she was mad at Mike.

"Well, Mike planned an elaborate evening for the two of us. We had originally planned on waiting until my birthday but decided to move it up when you decided to throw me a party. Mike was so excited and sweet about the whole thing. He brought me flowers and took me to Port Angeles for dinner. He made reservations at a hotel there and I really thought it was going to be wonderful." I closed my eyes against the memory of losing my virginity.

"That sounds like a good beginning. What went wrong?" Alice squeezed my hand to encourage me to continue.

"There was absolutely no foreplay for starters. I came out of the bathroom in this expensive piece of lingerie I purchased specifically for that night and found Mike already naked in bed watching TV. He took one look at me, ripped off the thin material and plunged into me without warning." I felt the first tear trickle down my face but willed myself to continue. "It hurt like hell and when I told him he just said it always hurts the first time. I tried to relax and enjoy myself but I couldn't. He was pounding into me like a fucking jackrabbit. I cried the whole time, which luckily was less than five minutes." Alice chuckled before covering her mouth and looking at me apologetically. "It's fine. If it hadn't hurt so much, I would be laughing too," I admitted. "When he finished he literally rolled over and went to sleep." I paused a moment to assess her reaction and was surprised by her expression.

"Oh, Bella! Your first time should have been wonderful, especially since you waited so long. I can't believe he was such an idiot. You know I don't like him but I really thought he cared about you."

"I don't know what went wrong. I asked him about it the next morning and he told me I was too rigid and that the pain would go away with "practice"." I felt the bile rise in my throat at the thought of our conversation and his flippant attitude about it. "We did it again that Tuesday and it was just as bad if not worse. I mean, we used to make out all the time but it's as if he doesn't think any of that is necessary before sex. He just digs right in, gets off, gets out and goes to sleep." The tears were making it difficult to keep talking.

"I always thought Jessica Stanley was exaggerating when she talked about how horrible he was in bed." We both laughed at that and I grimaced with pain.

Edward chose that moment to make an appearance and get onto Alice again for making me laugh. She just shrugged knowing it was worth it to get me to laugh about the situation. I was shocked when he didn't push it and pulled up a chair on the side of my bed across from Alice.

"How are you feeling?" He asked me sweetly. I was unable to answer him at first because of my astonishment.

"As good as can be expected, I guess. Unless I move around too much I'm not in much pain. I just have to be careful. I can't wait until Carlisle changes my cast to one that allows me to move my hip." Words just kept spewing from my lips and I found myself being cordial to my worst enemy. How could I go from hating him with every fiber of my being to hoping he'd stay for a while longer?

"That's good. I brought you something." He laid a small box on the bed and I looked at it skeptically. "Just open it," he insisted.

Inside was a brass bell. I looked up at him and tried to figure out what to say. I had no idea why Edward was giving me a freaking bell. Did it have some sort of symbolism I was unaware of or something? I turned toward Alice to see if she could shed light on the situation which caused Edward to laugh heartily. The sound went straight to my heart and I had an intense desire to hear it again.

"It's so you can let us know if you need anything." He shook the bell to demonstrate how loud it was. "We'll be able to hear it from anywhere in the house. I hate the thought of something happening and none of us knowing." He smiled down at me and my wall of hatred shattered. I wanted to keep hating Edward, but I couldn't. I realized that all the hatred I had been harboring all these years was really just a lie. I twisted the love I held for him into something ugly so I didn't have to face how much his rejection had destroyed me. He had broken my heart and I had been in denial for over four years.

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**A/N:** I'm not a doctor so I used a little creative license here. I pulled personal knowledge and mixed it with research and asking others. If anything is inaccurate, please forgive and ignore :-)

What do you think of jackrabbit Mike? I thought the image fit his character but that might just be me. Don't hate him too much. He means well, really he does.

I've discovered that I'm addicted to reviews and I need them to keep motivated. I also admit that I'm horrible at responding. I do read and adore every single one though - even the mean ones. Some of you made me laugh out loud with your responses. Thanks so much for reading and double thanks for taking the time to review!


	3. Tattoo Musings

**Disclaimer**: I don't own the characters, that right belongs to SM.

**A/N**: Reminder - I am not a doctor...

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Chapter Two

Tattoo Musings

"Alice, what are your thoughts about tattoos?" I asked the tiny woman sitting on the edge of my bed flipping through a magazine. I loved how she could just hang out sometimes without filling every second with mindless chatter. Her presence helped keep me sane these past few weeks confined to a bed. Between Alice, Esme and Edward I rarely had a dull moment.

"Um, well, they can be trashy or sexy as hell. It all depends on who does it and what it is," she answered. "I actually got one when Jasper and I got engaged last year," she confessed with a huge grin on her face. I demanded to see it and she happily obliged. She had gotten his initials artfully etched permanently on her lower back.

"That's really pretty." I was honestly surprised by how beautifully those two letters were drawn onto her skin.

"Bella, my dear, are you thinking of getting a tattoo?"

"I've wanted one for a while but Mike hates the idea. Of course, that just makes me want it all the more because I don't want him to think he can control my decisions."

"Isabella, you are talking as if the two of you are still together. I thought you were going to dump his sorry ass." She was whining a little but I ignored her tone.

"We've been together too long to just end it for something as stupid as him being unhappy with my choice of where to stay as I heal. He's always been insecure when it comes to Edward. You know how they acted toward each other in high school." I was making excuses and I knew it but I couldn't handle the thought of being alone. That fear was the deciding factor in agreeing to move in with him in the first place.

"Ugh! Bella, when are you going to realize that Mike is all wrong for you?" She asked clearly frustrated with the subject of our conversation.

"It's not like I have tons of options," I muttered.

"What?"

"Can we not talk about this right now? Physical therapy was really hard and I've had a long day." Everyday, twice a day, I was subjected to participating in these crazy exercises to keep my muscles strong. This insanely handsome hunk of meat named Joshua came in and manipulated my arms and left leg into crazy positions while assuring me that once I was placed in a walking cast I would be able to get right back up on my feet.

"Sure, Bells. Sorry. So, why were you asking about tattoos?" I was thankful that she was willing to change the subject.

"I'm thinking about getting one," I answered.

I explained the pattern I pictured in my mind and she told me she thought it would be beautiful. I wanted a twig of a Japanese Cherry Blossom tree across my side over my ribs. The design was kind of large for a first piece but it was what I wanted. We talked about my idea in detail and Alice told me she would make me an appointment with the best tattoo artist in Forks once I was able to move around again. I couldn't believe there were many options in our small town but I trusted her when she assured me he was extremely talented and let me know he had done her tattoo. So, I agreed to meet with him and go from there. If I didn't like what he came up with then I could always just go somewhere else to get it.

A whole month flew by with little change. Mike would call or text at least once a day but I had not seen him in almost two weeks. He could hold a grudge and sulk better than anyone else I had ever met. Alice spent as much time with me as she possibly could and I had to force her to leave sometimes so she could spend time with Jasper and the rest of her family. Esme took on the role of caring mother and made sure my every need was met. Edward spent mornings and early afternoons with me. Most of the time we sat in companionable silence reading, but sometimes we talked. He told me about finishing college and his plans to start medical school soon. The pink elephant stood ignored in the corner of the room.

After spending six long weeks in bed, Carlisle informed me that he would be removing my current cast and placing my leg in a brace instead, one that would allow me to bend at the hips. I would be able to sit up and walk with crutches for short distances. I could barely contain my squeals of excitement. After the brace was securely in place, Carlisle helped me stand up for the first time in what felt like for-fucking-ever! My left leg was strong enough to support me just as Joshua had promised it would be. I was only allowed of few minutes of reprieve from my bed but it was wonderful. Edward came in right as Carlisle was walking me back over to the bed and beamed when he saw me standing. He rushed over to assist in the difficult process of getting me to where I could actually sit up on the bed. Edward rearranged all the pillows and pulled out one that was shaped like the back of a soft chair for me to use. I was so giddy that I forgot to be slightly uneasy in his presence and I reached out to hug him. I kissed his cheek softly and thanked him for being here for me. Carlisle cleared his throat bringing me back to reality. I was way too close to Edward. The weird part was that he hadn't exactly tried to pull away either.

The next day, Edward helped me hobble around my room and get used to using my crutches. I had used crutches numerous times before but never when I was unable to bend my knee to help balance. Keeping my leg completely straight made maneuvering the damn things a hundred times more difficult and my frustration was getting out of hand. I snapped at Edward and watched his face fall. I immediately apologized and made my way back to bed. Things were always so fucked up where Edward was concerned. The first day I met him, I practically insulted him when Alice introduced us. I had meant to comment on how incredibly handsome I thought he was but somehow ended up calling him pretty like a shiny new toy. The next words out of my mouth made it sound like I believed him to be a gorgeous face with shallow insides. The more I tried to rectify the situation, the worse I made it. Alice finally put her hand over my mouth and dragged me away before I could do any more damage. Our relationship had gone down hill from there when he overheard me talking about his then girlfriend, Tanya. I called her a superficial bitch, which was true, and may have said something about my thought that she was using Edward for the popularity that came with dating a Cullen. I swear I had no idea he was behind me. Not that I should have said any of those things in the first place. I later realized I was jealous of Tanya. After they broke up and Edward came to me one day admitting I was right about her, I came up with my "plan" to sleep with Edward.

My mouth always got me in trouble but it seemed exponentially worse where Edward was concerned. He stayed away for a week after the most recent incident of word vomit. To make matters worse, Mike started visiting again. He was all smiles and apologies. I wanted to gouge his eyes out. He was wondering when we would be able to have sex again. My brain wanted to tell him that what he did with women was torture, not sex. But I just smiled back and remembered all the reasons I was with him in the first place. One day he came in looking all disheveled and upset. When I asked him about it, he just spat back some sarcastic remark about me being unavailable and not understanding since I got to spend all day in bed being waited on hand and foot. I got angry and he got angrier. He accused me of having feelings for Edward and being a slut. My hand reached out to slap him but he moved away too quickly. The momentum behind my hand propelled me off the bed. I crashed onto the floor in a heap of pain and shock. Mike looked down at me for a second before turning around and stomping out the door.

Through the tears I watched Alice and Edward place me back in bed while Esme called Carlisle. He had warned me that too much movement could cause a set back until my bones were completely healed. Luckily, my leg was fine. My ribs, however, were broken once again so I was forced back into the chest brace just one week after it had been removed. At least I could still take it off to bathe. I was looking forward to being fully submerged in water again. I would be able to remove both braces for fifteen minutes a day to bathe and dress. Mike's mother called me the next morning demanding to know why her son's nose was broken. I had no idea what to say to her about that one. I certainly didn't break it but she seemed to think it was my fault somehow.

That night Edward appeared in my room long after midnight had come and gone. My head turned as the door to my room opened. I watched him stalk across the floor with determination. He stood at the foot of my bed for several seconds before he started crawling over my body. Once his face was level with mine he finally spoke.

"Mike took what should have been mine and he has no idea what he has." His tone was deep and boggled my mind.

"What are you talking about, Edward? I don't know what you mean." I struggled to speak as his gaze penetrated my soul.

"I heard you tell Alice about that idiot taking your virtue without savoring the gift. Bella, I'm going to make sure you forget all about that horrible experience." He was whispering in my ear and all coherent thought was seeping out of my brain. I worked hard to stay focused on what was happening knowing this was important.

"What do you care?" I tried to remember the hatred I had for this man. I willed myself to deny him just as he had denied me. I wanted him to hurt like I had.

"You have no idea." He was nibbling and concentrating was becoming even more difficult.

"I hate you!" I was pushing against him with all my might but he immediately pulled away once I said those words. They weren't true. I knew that. But my desire to hurt him overrode everything else.

"Why?" That one word sent me careening toward self-destruction. I could not think about why I had such strong feelings for Edward. His eyes pleaded with mine for answers that I was not capable of giving, not now not ever because if I ever faced my true feelings all my loathing would turn inward and destroy me.

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**A/N**: Go forth and review... you know you want to.


	4. Scars

**Disclaimer**: You know who owns it all and it's not me.

**A/N**: Lots of vulgar Edward coming right up so consider yourself warned.

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Chapter Three

Scars

"Alice quit flitting around the room, you're making me dizzy." She had been moving nonstop since she came in two hours before and she was really starting to annoy me. I was already on edge and I found myself very low on patience.

"I just want to make sure you have everything you need before we leave." Alice and Esme were leaving me alone for the first time since my latest bout with clumsiness. I was actually looking forward to it but Alice was frantic. I swear she was acting like they were going to be gone for a week rather than one day.

She placed something in the top drawer of my nightstand and I looked at her with a quirked eyebrow when I saw what it was.

"Seriously, Al?" I had to ask because the little minx had put a freaking vibrator within easy reach.

"Bella, Mike hasn't been around much lately so I know you could use a little release," she stated as if her reasoning should be obvious.

"Yeah, because I have so much experience in that department," I retorted. Self-gratification was not something I had ever been comfortable with, at all. But, I wasn't exactly excited to broadcast that fact either.

"Swan, we all need to take care of things every now and then. It is nothing to be ashamed off so quit blushing."

"Alice! This is not a conversation I want to have, okay?"

"Is it big enough?"

"What?"

"I wasn't sure about the size." My face got impossibly hotter with her words.

"I honestly don't have a clue so can we just drop it, please?" I was practically begging, but Alice was relentless.

"Bella, please tell me you are familiar with the fine art of masturbation, especially since you waited so long to have sex." Okay, my face was on fire now.

"I…no, actually, every time I tried it just felt weird and Mike never seemed concerned with my side of things. End of conversation." I couldn't believe I just said that.

"Bella Swan! Are you saying you've never had one? Like…ever?" She was practically screaming and I was sure the whole house had figured out the topic of our discussion. I was mortified.

"Alice…" I warned.

"Okay, okay." She put her hands up in surrender. "Oh, by the way, I scheduled an appointment for you to meet with my tattoo guy next week."

I sighed in relief when she finally walked out the door and headed downstairs to leave with Esme. Two more weeks. That was all I had to get through before I could return home to my own bed. No more constant supervision or care required. I could not wait.

_I want you to love me_

_To ensconce me in your arms_

_And tell me I'm desired_

I was doodling in my journal playing with words. After seeing Alice's tattoo, I realized I wanted a short poem to go along with my cherry blossoms. The only problem was that I could not find the right lines to permanently etch into my shoulder blade. Every time I put pen to paper, Edward popped into my mind and all I could think about was him. He had looked so distraught when I told him I hated him. When he realized I was not going to explain my feelings, he turned and left without another word. That was five days ago and I had not seen him since. He had not been home at all either. I knew this because I overheard a phone conversation between him and Esme regarding his recent disappearing act. I refused to wonder whose bed he was sleeping in during his absence. I had sent him away. I had hurt him just like I thought I wanted. So, why was I so miserable?

The door to my room opened slowly and I looked up expectantly to see who was invading in my rare moments of solitude. Mike. Fuck. This was not going to be a good day after all. I put my journal away and watched as he cautiously made his way over to the bed. At least he had the foresight to look ashamed. I really wanted to yell at him for being such an asshole but I just couldn't. Yes, I am that pathetic and afraid of having no one should he decide to end things between us.

"How are you feeling?" He wasn't going to apologize. He was just hoping I would let it go. And I probably would.

"Much better," I answered and was proud that my tone did not give away my weakness. I wanted him to squirm some before I let him know he was not permanently banished.

We talked about nothing important and he left after only fifteen minutes. He and I should have been perfect for each other. He used to be more. Not much more, but more. Lately, he just seemed uncomfortable around me and I had no idea how we were going to move past this.

Two hours later I was woken from an afternoon nap by another unexpected visitor. I wasn't sure how long he had been sitting there and I wondered if he had been watching me sleep. I hoped I didn't say anything like I was prone to do. Especially considering the graphic dream I was having that starred him. Edward did not break our gaze and I was starting to get uncomfortable.

"Alice called all hysterical because she realized you haven't had a bath in two days." He smirked down at me with a crooked grin and I swear I blacked out for a few seconds. Why did this man have so much power over me?

"That's okay. I'm sure I will survive one more day." Certainly he wasn't planning on assisting me. I still was not allowed to bathe alone but I was not about to let Edward help with that particular task.

"I don't think so, Bella. I'm afraid she was quite insistent that you have one today. We can't have you all dirty, now can we?"

I was so screwed. There was no way I could survive such torture. This had to be a nightmare. Maybe I was still asleep. Before I had much time to consider that thought, Edward swept me off the bed and into his arms. He carried me into the bathroom and set me down on the counter. I could feel my body starting to betray me already and he was just turning on the water. Shit. Damn. Fuck. I was getting wet and I wasn't even in the tub yet. Would he notice? How could he not? My eyes were glued to his hands as he removed my leg brace with great care not to jostle my healing bone. I about passed out when he lifted my arms followed shortly by my shirt. I wasn't wearing a bra and he definitely noticed. He gently unhooked my chest brace and I was positive my entire body was the same shade of red as a cherry tomato. I continued to focus on his hands in an attempt to maintain some type of control over my body. There was no way I could meet his gaze. I was too afraid of what his emerald eyes would reveal. Was he enjoying the view? I did not want to risk seeing disgust or indifference. He made quick work of my panties and I was naked in front of Edward Sexy as Hell Cullen. And he was smiling. He took off his own shirt before picking me up and holding me against his bare chest. My hand drifted over his muscles without me telling it to do so. He was so beautiful and I found breathing was becoming more difficult.

Edward slowly lowered me into the warm bath he had prepared for me. With almost a worshipful gaze, he washed every inch of my skin except the one area I graved his touch the most. When his actions stopped over my lower abdomen I chanced a glance in his direction. His expression was something I will never forget for as long as I live. Edward was staring at the space between my legs with a hungry expression on his perfect face. Any control I had was long gone. He whispered something I could not understand and inhaled deeply.

"Bella, if you say stop, I swear, I'll stop but I would really like to do something for you. I _need_ to do this for you. Please let me show you what that bastard is depriving you of." His words confused me but I could not find my voice to respond.

Without any further hesitation his hand reached down under the water and proceeded to give me the most amazing experience of my life. I had no idea my body was capable of feeling such pleasure. I was grateful no one was around to hear my screams because I was pretty sure they resonated throughout the entire house. Once the euphoria wore off, I was truly embarrassed by my reaction to his caresses. Edward sat back on his calves with a smug grin on his face. There was no way I could wrap my mind around the fact that I had just let him give me my first orgasm. One of my teenage dreams had actually come true.

With great care, Edward lifted me out of the tub and wrapped me in a large, fluffy towel. He reverently dried my skin before carrying me back over to the bed. His eyes remained fixed on mine as he replaced the two braces that restricted my movement and dressed me in a pair of new yoga pants and an extremely comfortable t-shirt. Without asking permission, or saying anything at all, he climbed into bed next to me and enclosed me in his sturdy embrace. My head found its way to his chest and I absentmindedly drew circles on his upper body with my fingers. I was perfectly content for possibly the first time in my life. And I was more confused than I had ever been before.

Edward was gone when I awoke the next morning and I tried, in vein, not to be disappointed. We had not exactly talked about what happened and I was glad that Alice did not find him lying next to me when she brought me breakfast. Carlisle was encouraging me to move around more while I was still in the safety net of his home. I could tell everyone was anxious about the thought of me leaving soon but Carlisle had no more excuses to keep me here for much longer. All of the Cullens except Edward had tried to convince me to stay past the next two weeks but I vehemently declined. I missed my dad and my sanity. Edward was once again an invariable part of my day even though he never mentioned that night and acted as if it never happened. Every once in a while I would catch him staring at me with that same hungry look in his eyes but that was the only sign that he remembered it at all. I really needed to get out of this house.

During my last week under the Cullens' roof, I took to taking short walks in Esme's backyard garden. One of my caretakers always accompanied me but I cherished those moments outside of the home that was starting to feel more like a prison. Charlie visited me more now that he didn't feel like he was invading my privacy since I was no longer confined to a bed and could sit in a chair or walked around while he was there. He was quirky like that. Mike called at least once a day and I pretended to be happy to hear from him each time.

That Friday Alice loaded me into the backseat of her car to take me to my appointment to discuss my tattoo ideas. She could barely sit still as she drove and I was seriously worried she was going to lose control of the car because of her erratic movements. We pulled into a parking lot in front of a very nondescript building on the other side of town. Alice hopped out and quickly made it over to my side of the car to help me stand. I hobbled inside and was amazed by the setting I found within the brick façade. I had never been to a tattoo place before so I had no idea what to expect but it certainly wasn't this. The front room was set up as a greeting and waiting area with a few desks and seating areas scattered around the vast open space. The walls were painted a light brown and the furniture was a mixture of earth tones. I relaxed exponentially at the sight. I guess I had expected concrete floors and neon lights with a layer of cigarette smoke hovering close to the yellowed ceiling. The carpet here was soft beneath my feet and the exposed wooden beams above us were stained a golden color. The entire setting was like something out of an interior design magazine.

I was so caught up in taking in my surroundings that I was startled by a third person in the room. Alice had grabbed my hand and begun to speak before I realized we were no longer alone. My heart skipped a beat when I looked up to find bright green eyes watching me curiously.

"You didn't tell me Bella was the friend you were bringing by, Alice." His tone was chastising but also slightly amused.

"What difference does it make?" She retorted matching his stance with hands on hips.

"I just would have liked to know," he answered. What the hell did that mean?

"If you're not interested because it's me, that's fine. We can leave." I tried to hide the hurt I felt but my voice was off and he quirked his left eyebrow in my direction.

"Come sit down and tell me what you had in mind." Edward was suddenly all business and I decided to follow his example.

The next hour was spent detailing my vision while Edward made some preliminary sketches. He was definitely very talented. I just couldn't imagine him touching my skin without driving me mad even if he would be wearing gloves. We decided to incorporate aspects of two of his drawings and he promised he would have a more detailed sketch ready by the end of the weekend. By then, I would be settled in and enjoying my freedom at Charlie's so Edward offered to come by to show me what he came up with. I tried to insist on meeting back here but Alice reminded me that I would not be able to drive for several more weeks and she and Jasper were going out of town for the next few days so she would not be around to drive me here. Reluctantly, I agreed and started thinking of ways to convince Charlie to skip his weekly fishing trip for once. Not likely to happen but I had to try. The idea of being alone with Edward again terrified and excited me.

"Bella, what the fuck happened to you?"

Edward was taking some measurements so that he could make a stencil for my tattoo. He had been at my house a total of twenty minutes before he had my shirt off and I could not concentrate on anything other than the memory of his hands touching me _there_. His question caught me off guard and I had to shake my head to clear it before I could answer him.

"Renee likes to try experimenting in the kitchen. She calls it cooking; I call it science projects gone awry. One night she convinced me to help her out with her newest contraption and I ended up spending the night in the emergency room. She had come across a recipe for fried macaroni and cheese so she figured if you can fry that, you can fry anything. She tried to fry frozen broccoli but didn't defrost it first so when the water from the ice hit the hot oil, it splashed all over and left these reminders to never let my mother near the kitchen again." As I shared my story with Edward, his fingers ghosted over each imperfection on my back and side. The scars were one of the reasons I wanted the tattoo where I did. Hopefully, it would cover most of them.

"That's fucked up," he mumbled to himself, "I've never met your mom." Edward had a far off look on his face and I wondered why he mentioned the last part.

"Typical Renee stuff though. She's pretty flighty and tends to act without thinking things through first. I guess that's one of the reasons I over analyze everything." I shrugged my shoulders as if to say it wasn't a big deal even though it was. Getting over the emotional scars had taken far longer than coming to terms with the physical ones.

"Don't. Don't you dare shrug off this shit, Bella. How old were you?" He asked as he continued to touch my bare back.

"Fourteen," I stuttered. His close proximity and touch were really starting to befuddle my brain.

Edward startled me by wrapping his arm around me and turning me until I faced him head on. His hands came up to cup my cheeks and his eyes penetrated mine with such intensity that I was starting to believe he could see every secret, every thought I ever had. I felt exposed in his gaze but I could not look away. I wanted so much to be the woman Edward desired, I wanted to experience being with him in every way. Most of all, I wanted to know what it felt like to be the center of Edward's world. I knew enough about him to know that whoever was granted the honor of Edward's heart would be one lucky bitch.

"I didn't get to finish," he started. When he didn't continue right away I opened my mouth to say something but he put his thumb over my lips while still holding my face in his hands. "I didn't get to finish what I wanted to say that night. I was so fucking drunk. God, Bella, I know I should have done things differently that night. Instead of telling you that I wasn't going to fuck you, I should have started by telling you how pleased I was to find you in my bed. How fucking beautiful you looked laying there naked. I wanted nothing more in that moment than to give you exactly what you asked for, but I just couldn't. I wanted our first time to be special and I wanted to be sober so that I could remember every second of it. Shit, Bella, I knew you were a virgin and that shit scared me too." His face contorted and I could tell he was trying to think of what to say next. Tears had started flowing freely down my face when I finally realized what he was talking about.

All these years I thought he didn't want me. I thought Edward had rejected me and I had run away as fast as I could. And I had continued running for four years. I avoided him like the plague and convinced myself I hated him. He wiped the tears from my cheeks and tried to comfort me when he noticed the affects of his confession.

"I'm so fucking sorry," he said before his lips crashed into mine. At first, I was too stunned to react but he insistently moved his mouth against mine until I began to respond.

He groaned loudly and everything went black.

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**A/N**: So, now you know his side of the events of that night. Some of you are not surprised, I'm sure.

Thanks bunches for all the amazing reviews. I love hearing your thoughts on this craziness I've created.

This gets them past most of the serious stuff for now.


	5. Epiphany

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing related to Twilight or its characters.

**A/N:** We left Bella after a hot kiss...

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Chapter Four

Epiphany

I reluctantly opened my eyes as someone shook me lightly. The first thing I realized was that I was lying on my couch. The second thing I noticed was that I was not wearing a shirt. The third thing I discovered upon waking was that Edward Cullen's arms were protectively wrapped around me. He looked so relieved when he saw my open eyes. I wanted to cry and squeal at the same time. Edward had kissed me so expertly that I apparently fainted. I didn't think that shit happened in the real world. He chuckled at the look on my face and I was sure I looked all googoly-eyed at him. I felt absolutely pathetic.

The sound of tires on the gravel of the driveway had me diving for my shirt. Not that Charlie could stop me from getting a tattoo; I just didn't want to give him the opportunity to give his opinion. Waiting to tell him until after the fact seemed like the way to go in this situation. Maybe he would never have to know. Lord knows he made sure to avoid any chance of seeing his little girl in a state of undress. He wasn't even comfortable when he knew I was wearing a bathing suit under my clothes. Charlie would likely have a heart attack if he ever walked in on me changing. He avoided my room like the plague and knocked on the bathroom door anytime I was home, just in case. Explaining Edward's presence was going to be interesting however. Charlie may turn a blind eye on a lot of things but he was still a cop and a damn good one at that. He was way more perceptive than most parents and I began to sweat just thinking about lying to him about why Edward was in our home.

Luckily, my dad assumed Edward was simply there to check on me and barely batted an eye over his being there. He even asked Edward to stay for dinner, which, thankfully, he declined. I was quite certain I would not be able to get through a meal with Edward Cullen at the same table and Charlie not notice I had some very strong emotions where my best friend's brother was concerned. We ate the spaghetti supper I prepared in comfortable silence as I replayed the amazing feeling of Edward's lips on mine over and over again in my mind.

After I finished cleaning the kitchen and bid Charlie goodnight, I found myself alone with my thoughts and started to worry about Mike finding out about my infidelity. Our relationship may be on a slippery downward slope at the moment but we were still together, at least technically, and I felt extremely guilty for having feelings for one man while still involved with another. I decided I would find a way to get over to Mike's the next evening so I could speak with him about the status of our relationship in person. This was not a conversation I wanted to have over the phone.

That night I dreamed of Edward's hands on me while he marked me permanently with the beautiful design he created. I was so excited about the idea of getting a tattoo and the fact that Edward was going to be the artist of this particular work of art made me weak in the knees. His work would be forever on my skin. My hand rubbed the area we had mapped out for the blossoms as I remembered the details of my erotic dream. How was I going to get through all those hours in his chair without attacking the poor boy? I had no idea.

The next evening Alice dropped me off in front of the house Mike shared with his parents and drove away promising to come back in an hour unless I texted her otherwise. Just as her car turned the corner out of sight, the front door opened and Jessica Stanley came strutting out. She smiled widely when she noticed me and sped over to give me a too friendly hug. Jessica and I had been tentative friends throughout high school due to her on and off relationship with Mike. She made no secret of her disdain of Mike's attentiveness towards me. I was instantly on guard.

"Bella! It's so great to see you. I had no idea you were back in town. Oh my gosh, what happened to you?" Her greeting and concern seemed genuine but I refused to relax just yet.

"Mike didn't mention that we were back?" I was confused as to how she could spend anytime with him and not know I had returned to Forks with him. Most people were sick of him talking about me mere minutes after meeting him.

"Well, we didn't do much talking, if you know what I mean," she stated with a wink. I felt my stomach roll at her words and what she insinuated. "I have to get back to work but it was nice seeing you. We should get together sometime and catch up!" She all but molested me with another hug before she ran to a car that I hadn't even noticed before parked at the curb.

I let myself in as I always did when I came to visit Mike at his parents' home. I realized I was fighting the urge to vomit at the idea of Mike cheating on me. It seemed so ironic that the boyfriend I practically despised but kept around for reasons I was having a difficult time remembering at the moment was being unfaithful. I almost laughed out loud at the thought. Mike didn't even notice I was there until I sat down next to him. He began to say something but stopped when his eyes met mine. Maybe he thought Jessica had returned and was not expecting to see me there? His expression turned from playful to shock in a matter of seconds and I smiled wondering if he was trying to figure out if Jessica had enough time to get out of sight before I arrived.

"How did you get here? I thought you couldn't drive." His lack of enthusiasm was not lost on me.

"Alice dropped me off for a little bit. She'll be back in an hour to get me so you don't have to worry about taking me home or anything."

I felt very uncomfortable sitting next to him knowing that Jessica had just left and Edward had kissed me into oblivion not twenty-four hours before. I had no idea what to say or where to go from here.

"Your shoe's untied." He didn't offer to help even after I grimaced with the motion of bending over to tie it. I wanted to slap him and yell at him, but I reigned in my anger.

"What the hell Bella?" His voice was shrill and made me to jump which caused another shot of pain through my still sore ribs. I glanced over at him in surprise and found him staring intently at my back. I had completely forgotten that Edward had outlined the cherry blossom branch on my skin the night before. Since going home, I had taken to bathing every other day due to the difficulty of doing it on my own. So, the markings had not been washed from my back and side leaving a beautiful reminder of what would soon be etched there forever.

"Oh, I'm getting a tattoo soon and the guy who is doing it needed to make sure his measurements were correct and everything, hence the drawing." I shrugged as I finished as if it were no big deal.

"You are not getting a tattoo, Bella. I won't allow it." His eyes were cold and serious. I became furious.

"'You won't allow it'? Mike you do not own me and you have no right to tell me what I can and cannot do." I was screaming now but I didn't care. He was being absurd.

"Bella, you're being unreasonable. How can you even think about doing something like this without discussing it with me first?" Okay, he had a point there but I was too angry to be rational at this point.

"What do you care?" I spat back at him with venom in my voice. This was the coward's way out and I was taking it. Damn it, I really was pathetic.

More words that neither of us really meant were exchanged in anger. We both knew this was the end and Mike was using his fury to disguise his hurt. In a way, I was doing the same so I recognized his intentions as they mirrored my own. When silence dominated the air between us, I reached into my pocket and sent a quick text to Alice to come retrieve me. She must have read more into my message than I intended because within minutes Edward stormed through the door demanding to know if I was okay and if I had been harmed in any way.

"Sheesh, Cullen, calm down. I would never hurt Bella," Mike's rage returned full force at the sight of Edward barging into his home. I sighed in annoyance but did not have a chance to intervene before Edward had his say.

"Right, just like you didn't hurt her that day I found her on the bedroom floor after you stormed out. You're such a fucking idiot, Newton. You always have been and you always will be. Bella is the most amazing woman on earth and you do not deserve her. Not by a long shot." Edward's face was turning a frightening color of red and all I wanted was to get both of us out of there.

"Oh, and I suppose you think you do? What do you have to offer her, Cullen? You're nothing more than a sleazy tattoo artist that has run out of women in Forks who are willing to share your bed so you're taking advantage of the one you could never have. You'll fuck her and leave her just like you have done with every other woman you have ever been with. So, don't you dare lecture me. At least my intentions are honorable." Mike didn't get a chance to say anything else because Edward's fist made contact with the side of his face. Mike's eyes did this freaky act of rolling into the back of his head before he slumped to the floor.

I started crying even though I wasn't completely sure why. Mainly, I think, I was upset that things had gone this far. That I had allowed my relationship with Mike get to this point and knowing the blame was mine as much as his. Now, we were at a place that made getting back to even being friends an impossibility. I was also utterly confused by Edward's behavior since I had returned home. Edward had never been kind to me before. In high school he seemed happiest when he was making me miserable. So, why was he saying and doing things that made me believe his feelings for me were passionate rather than hostile?

"Shit, Bella, I'm sorry. Alice called and said you and Mike were fighting. She was concerned what state you would be in when she got here so she asked me to come with her. When I saw Mike's hands squeezing your arms, I lost it. Then he said all that fuckery I didn't want you to hear and I just hit him." He took a deep breath and was about to continue when I put my hand over his mouth to stop him. I couldn't hear anymore. Not while we were standing in Mike's living room with him out cold on the floor.

"I need to make sure he's okay." My voice was shaky and I didn't trust it to try to say more so I leaned over Mike's still form and let the tears flow freely. This was all my fault.

The next two hours were spent making sure Mike was okay and did not need medical care. I was pretty sure his jaw was bruised and not broken. Edward may have been furious but he had held back, otherwise I would be in the waiting room of the ER rather than assisting Mike to his bedroom. I left him with an ice pack over his face and promises we would talk more at another time. He had actually cried when I admitted I thought it was time to end things between us. We talked about Jessica and his justifications for seeking comfort in her arms. I understood but I didn't care. That's what killed me the most. Somewhere along the way I had simply stopped caring and there was no coming back from that. There was nothing he could do or say that could change my heart.

Alice came back to get me when I called her. She had dragged Edward away and taken him home earlier to give me time with Mike. The ride to my house was quiet but I could tell Alice was itching to ask me about what happened. I just didn't feel like talking about it. Any of it. Thankfully, Alice left me to my thoughts and didn't push me for information. I couldn't help wondering what Edward had shared with her already.

Alice helped me up the porch steps and into the kitchen where we found Charlie enjoying a piece of pizza and a beer. I felt a surge of guilt when I realized I hadn't been here to make him dinner. Charlie never asked me to take care of him but I wanted to. I missed out on so much time with my dad over the years and I wanted to make up for my constant complaints about having to come to Forks every summer in anyway that I could. My culinary skills seemed the best way to make amends so I cooked for him every chance I got. And he never complained. I bent over carefully and kissed the top of his head before heading up to my room.

That night I realized I was hopelessly in love with Edward Cullen.

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**A/N:** As always your thoughts and opinions are appreciated but not required...

I really hope you enjoyed this chapter and aren't too upset I made you wait a while for it.


	6. Learning to Forgive

**Disclaimer**: Stephenie Meyer owns it all.

Okay, it's official, I'm an idiot. I posted Chapter six instead of Chapter five - which may be why so many of you were a little confused...so this is chapter 5 and I will re-post chapter 6 right after this one. So sorry!

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Chapter Five

Learning to Forgive

The next morning I awoke knowing I should be excited to begin my day, but I just couldn't muster the energy to care. I had an appointment with Carlisle and he was confident I would be able to remove the brace on my leg. An x-ray confirmed my bone had healed nicely and I was released from my final reminder of the spill I took down the escalator that landed me right into a confusing mess. Carlisle insisted that I come over for dinner to celebrate that evening. He even invited Charlie who was ecstatic when I hobbled out of the exam room and he realized that I would no longer have any obvious reminders of my clumsiness – for now at least. Charlie dropped me off at home afterwards before returning to work and I had several hours to occupy before he would be back to take us over to the Cullens' for my sure to be over extravagant little celebratory party.

Right when I found a comfortable position on the couch and a movie on TV that I actually wanted to watch, someone knocked loudly on the front door. I sighed heavily as I heaved myself up and limped over to the door. I wondered how long the limp would hang around. I had hoped I'd be able to walk normally once the brace was removed but I still found it difficult to put all my weight on my right leg. Maybe it was just a product of habit and I'd just have to force it. I peeked through the curtains of the front window and groaned out loud. Mike Newton was standing on my stoop waiting impatiently for me to open the door. He looked nervous. I couldn't help noticing the large bruises that had formed on the left side of his face. I have to admit I smiled a little when I saw them. I hobbled over and opened the door just enough that we could talk. He sighed loudly in frustration at my not so subtle hint that I really didn't want to see him.

"Look, Bella, I'm not here to start a fight or anything. I just want to talk, okay?" He put his arms out in a gesture of surrender and I found myself letting him inside.

I followed slowly behind him as he led the way back into the living room. His shoulders were slumped forward and he seemed so defeated. I started to feel sorry for him before I quickly shut that emotion down in fear it would lead me right back down the same path it always did where Mike Newton was concerned. He had talked me out of ending our relationship so many times before but there was no way I was going to let that shit happen again.

"I feel like I owe you an explanation about the whole thing with Jessica. It's stupid really. We ran into each other a few weeks ago and I was looking for an ego boost so I started a conversation about our relationship in high school. Anyway, she confirmed your opinion of my bedroom skills and I was humiliated. She offered to teach me a few things and I accepted because I wanted to be better for you. She started coming by my house a couple of days a week for our 'lessons' and I really understand now why it was so bad for you. I get that I was being a selfish lover and I want the chance to make it up to you, Bella."

He looked up at me with a hopeful expression and I was so close to caving. I could feel my resolve slipping with each second that passed. I really needed to grow a freaking backbone! I squared my shoulders and declined the offer as politely as I could. Remembering my recent encounters with Edward helped but I still felt pretty terrible as I escorted Mike to the door two hours of pitiful pleading later. He really did want things to work out between us. We hugged at the door and he begged one last time for me to reconsider. The sound of screeching tires drew my attention over Mike's shoulder. Edward's car came to an abrupt stop in front of the house and he was stalking toward us at a seemingly impossible speed. I saw the rage in his eyes and worried what he might say or do. When his glance darted from me to Mike, I realized what had him so furious. I was still wrapped in Mike's embrace, distracted momentarily by Edward's sudden appearance. I could only imagine the things that were going through his mind as he made his way across the lawn. I quickly pulled away and nodded in Edward's direction to alert Mike.

"What the Hell is going on here?" Edward seethed. He wasn't just mad at Mike this time. "Are you really letting this asshole stay in your life?"

"Edward, we were just saying goodbye. Mike came by to apologize for a few things. It's no big deal," I swore to him and pleaded with my eyes for him to believe me.

"Goodbye?" He questioned.

Mike turned back toward me and shook his head. "I really thought you were smarter than this, Bella."

Before either Edward or I could respond, he hopped off the porch and ran to his car. He jumped into the driver's seat and sped away. I sighed in relief before I noticed Edward's demeanor had not changed. He was still tensed in anger and I reflexively took a step back away from him. The ability to read minds would have come in really handy right about then. I watched as he took a couple of deep breaths and closed his eyes. He was obviously trying to calm himself down so I remained completely still and silent to give him time.

"Do you have any idea what has been going through my head ever since you made me leave you at Newton's last night?" Edward finally looked at me again and I was surprised to see hurt mixed in with the anger. "I thought you had chosen him. Then I talked to Alice this morning and she assured me that wasn't the case. I rush over here to see you and I find you in his fucking arms. I'm sorry that I immediately assumed the worst, but damn it, Bella, I don't know how to feel about all of this."

Without saying a word I reached for his hand and pulled him inside. He hesitantly allowed me to guide him over to the couch where he sat with a huff. His elbows rested on his knees and his hands covered his face. I had never seen Edward look even the least bit vulnerable before and the sight unnerved me a little. I was also a bit giddy in the knowledge that I possessed the ability to have so much of an effect on him. His torment spoke louder than any words he could ever say. Edward Cullen liked me.

"I'm sorry I gave you the impression that I was somehow choosing Mike over you last night." It was all I could think of to say.

I relaxed slightly when Edward exhaled loudly and some of the tension was released from his body. Hoping I wasn't making a huge mistake, I leaned over and placed my hand on his thigh. He still kept his face hidden but at least he didn't push me away. I sat with him in silence just touching him. Once I could tell that my actions were helping rather than hurting, I brought my other hand up to run through his hair. He had done this for me in the hospital so I figured it might calm him now as it had me then.

A few more silent moments passed before he finally lowered his hands and met my gaze. I wondered why on earth this beautiful specimen of a man who could have any girl he wanted was sitting in my living room looking at me like his life revolved around me or something. Tears began to form so I blinked several times in a vain effort to stop them from falling. Edward and I seemed to be doomed to screw up whenever it came to our crazy mixed up relationship. Never had I wanted anything more than I wanted him to call me his and for him to know I completely and utterly belonged to him. He owned me; there was no way I could deny it any more. The part of me that didn't even want to try to hide my feelings wrestled with the part that couldn't stand the thought of being rejected again.

"Bella?" I looked up at him to find his eyes studying me intently. "Just please tell me you and Mike are through. I need to hear you say it." I smiled at him reassuringly before responding.

"Mike and I are no longer together in any way shape form or fashion. We are over, finished, caput," I assured him.

Edward's trembling hand reached out to wrap around the back of my head before he pulled me closer and kissed me more passionately than I had ever been kissed before. My body began to shake and I was so glad I was sitting down. His other hand caressed my cheek as he continued to cherish ever millimeter of my lips and mouth. I moaned loudly when his tongue thrust forward and demanded entrance between my clinched lips. I tried to relax and enjoy this moment but my brain was screaming at me to be cautious. When he leaned over causing me to lie back on the couch, all ability to think abandoned me. His body urgently pressed down against mine and I was hopelessly lost to his obvious desire. The sound of tires crunching the gravel halted our movements. Edward quickly sat up and assisted me to a sitting position as well. When Charlie walked in he found us nonchalantly watching TV as if we had been doing nothing else for hours. My dad's penetrating gaze looked me over from head to toe and I blushed when I reached up and realized my hair was completely disheveled from Edward's roaming fingers. I saw Edward's lip curl up slightly out of the corner of my eye and I hit him in the shoulder when Charlie turned to go into the kitchen to hang up his coat and gun. Edward rubbed his shoulder and looked at me as if I had really hurt him. I rolled my eyes and hopped up heading after Charlie to ask when he would be ready to head over to the Cullens' for dinner. I redid my ponytail as I walked and hoped I appeared presentable.

Edward eagerly accepted Charlie's invitation to stay and hang out for a while which caused me to panic over the two of them becoming friends or some shit. I found myself wandering into the kitchen and starting a batch of cookies. If they came out okay, I would take them with us to the Cullen home so we wouldn't show up empty handed. I rummaged around the fridge and cabinets while my dad and Edward chatted comfortably in the other room. They found a game on TV and I could hear them bonding over their shared love of sports. I noticed the time and decided I didn't have time for anything extravagant since I had to be at the Cullens' home in a little over an hour.

Edward snuck up on me as I was pulling that last sheet of white chocolate macadamia nut cookies out of the oven. I resisted the urge to slap his hand away when he reached over and stole one of them off the cooling racks. I swear he moaned when he took a bite and I felt my knees shake a little in response. He quirked an eyebrow at me when he caught me watching him eat. I swear I was acting like the love struck seventeen year old I once was and I hated how much of an effect this man still had on me. I wondered if that would ever change.


	7. Infinite

**Disclaimer**: I don't own the characters or the original Twilight plot.

****Important ~ I mistakenly uploaded chapter 6 before chapter 5 so if you are reading this and have not yet read chapter 5 - Learning to Forgive - Please hit the little previous button and read that one first. Again, I am incredibly sorry for this fuckery!****

Yep, it's really an update. Good golly Miss Molly it has been forever. My sincere apologies for making you wait so very long. Please forgive me? *pulls out the irresistible sad puppy eyes look*

As warned before, this story is completely beta free and written spontaneously as the ideas form in my crazy mind. This is something I just wanted to have fun with and go with the flow since writing was starting to feel like a chore. So, I make no promises regarding the grammar and the like. Read at your own risk.

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Chapter Six

**Infinite**

Sometimes it got so quiet in my room that I'd swear I could hear Charlie breathing all the way downstairs. The sounds of the game being displayed on his large TV were certainly audible enough. Forks was just so freaking dead at night, especially on the outskirts where Charlie's house resided. I was supposed to be working on my next article, but I kept getting distracted. I was fantasying about all the ways Edward could fill the void in my life but, at the same time, deathly afraid I wasn't really what he wanted. Could I really stop his wandering eye and keep him interested? I highly doubted it, especially in light of recent events. I pulled on my most comfortable pair of pajamas and hunkered down in my bed ready to wallow in my own personal hell. After Charlie made his way upstairs, I ventured to the first floor for some ice cream and entertainment. Everything was going exactly as I had intended. That is until Alice decided to intervene.

A loud guffaw escaped my mouth when I realized I was drunk. If that wasn't weird enough I was also dancing. . . in public. I wouldn't believe it myself if I weren't experiencing it. This was just so unlike me. The evening had started off innocently enough. Alice had dragged me from the comfortable cocoon I had created on the couch where I had been prepared to spend the entire evening watching old movies. But, Alice wanted a girls' night out and Alice always got what she wanted. So, with much hesitation, I had followed her into this corner bar intending to nurse a drink and watch Alice have fun. Of course, nothing ever goes as I plan. Two girls had claimed the bar stools to my right while Alice was busy recapping her week with Rosalie on my left. I tried to pay attention to Alice's commentary but when one of the skanks on my right said Edward's name, I could not help eavesdropping on their conversation regarding the man who consumed all my thoughts lately. I probably would have just ignored them if Edward hadn't spent the past two days avoiding me like the plague.

We had spent a fun and only slightly awkward evening with his family where Edward was cordial if not affectionate. I brushed off my insecurities knowing that Edward likely hadn't said anything to his parents about what was developing between us and he knew I hadn't mentioned it to Alice. I assumed he just wanted to let things happen before we brought anyone else into the equation. But, he did not call me the next day and had not returned my call from this morning. So, when I heard his name uttered by the two blonde bimbos next to me, I lost all semblance of control. They were talking about what they imagined sharing his bed would be like. In response to they're musings, I started downing shots of whatever the bartender was supplying me. Basically, Alice ordered, I drank. And, now, I was dancing.

Large hands grabbed me by the waist and pulled me against a strong, hard body. My first instinct was to push whoever it was away, but I was drunk so decided to just go with it. He was a good dancer and when I glanced over my shoulder I was pleasantly surprised by his looks. He was warm and not giving me the cold shoulder so I let him grind behind me while I moved to the beat of the music blaring around me. I was in a happy oblivion and never wanted to return to reality. Naturally, Alice and Rosalie were not going to let me get lost in the moment. Once they realized I was totally drunk, they pulled me away from the dance floor and plopped my ass down in a booth in the corner. Almost immediately, a glass of water appeared in front of me and I was ordered to drink it.

I woke up the next morning with a hangover from Hell and memory loss, apparently. I was in the guest bedroom that I had stayed in not so long ago but I had no idea how I had gotten there. I could not remember anything from after Alice and Rosalie stopped my crazy adventures in Tequilaville. As slowly as possible I got up and headed straight for the bathroom. After I drank three glasses of water, took the aspirin someone had kindly left for me, and basked in the warmth of a thirty minute shower, I felt much better. Alice, being the amazing friend that she is, left a comfy outfit for me on the dresser so that I would not have to put back on my clothes from the night before. Those were lying on the floor in a wrinkled heap. At some point, I had changed into a large t-shirt but refused to wonder if I had been able to change myself or if I had needed assistance.

Right as I was pulling my hair into a messy pony tail and preparing to face the day, I heard a light knocking at my door. Without bothering to ask who it was and assuming it was Alice, I opened the door wide. Standing on the other side was Edward with his hands tucked deeply into his jean's pockets and his head hung low. A mixture of excitement and anger coursed through me as I took in his disheveled appearance. His grey shirt was wrinkled and his hair looked like it hadn't been washed since the last time I had seen him. When he finally looked up his eyes were bloodshot and dark circles loomed under them. I tried to hold onto the anger I had but it was getting more difficult the longer he stood there imploring me for forgiveness with his eyes.

"I'm such a shit, okay? I know I fucked up and I owe you an explanation for blowing you off the last few days, but can we just skip the bullshit for right now? I really don't feel like talking about it and I can't stand the way you are looking at me."

"I guess that's fine. You don't really owe me an explanation though. So, you decided not to talk to me for two days, it's no big deal," I answered trying to sound nonchalant but actually sounding more like a pissed off banshee.

"That's a lie and we both know it, can you drop the attitude for a moment?" He spat back in return.

I knew I should keep my mouth shut and let it go, but the alcohol I had ingested the night before must have still been effecting my judgment.

"Edward, the only thing I _know_ is that I never know what to expect when it comes to you. You can go from hot to cold faster than a Porsche 911 can excel from zero to 60 so don't you dare lecture me on my attitude this morning. I had a long night and I think I might still be a little drunk. So, why don't you find someone else to take all your frustrations out on? I'm so not in the mood right now."

Before he could say another word I stormed out of the room, purposely bumping his shoulder, and practically ran to the kitchen. Luckily, his family was all assembled there so, even if he wanted to, Edward would not be able to continue our argument.

I gladly accepted the plate Esme held out for me even though I did not have much of an appetite. Alice just glanced at me questioningly over her cup of coffee. I noticed she did not have a plate of food in front of her and neither did Rose. I wanted to ask them about what happened after they pulled me off the dance floor but I certainly did not want to discuss it in front of Carlisle and Esme. Instead, I sat there picking at my pancakes and fuming. After several minutes, Edward appeared at the table with his own breakfast plate and an angry scowl on his face. I tried desperately to ignore his presence but I felt his eyes burning holes in my skin. What the Hell was going on with this man? I swear he was going to drive me insane.

Mercifully, Esme joined us all at the table and began making small talk with everyone. She asked me how my job was going and whether or not I planned on staying in Forks. The latter question brought Edward's attention right back to me but his eyes held a sadness that they had not had before. Suddenly, I realized that I did not know what my plans were. I had not thought about what I was going to do now that Mike was no longer a part of the equation. We had moved here for him when I had wanted to stay in Seattle. Ultimately, I could live anywhere with high speed internet access.

"Honestly, Esme, I haven't really even thought about it. I have no immediate plans to go anywhere though."

Edward's shoulders relaxed as I spoke and his expression softened. I wondered if he had really been worried about the idea that I might be leaving.

"That's good dear, I don't think we could handle it if you disappeared on us again," Esme replied sweetly.

Her words, although meant to compliment, cut me deep. I had gone missing a long time ago due to my inability to communicate like a normal human being. Each invitation to visit over the past two years had been declined because I was too wrapped up in my own delusions to realize how much I was hurting my pseudo family. If nothing else, I needed to stay in town long enough to pay penitence for my selfish behavior. The people around me, with only one exception, had been nothing but kind to me and I had repaid them by abandoning them. As soon as there was another lull in the conversation, I excused myself from the table, hurried into the kitchen to clean up the dishes I had used, and rushed upstairs to grab my belongings. This whole _thing_ with Edward was really starting to mess with me. Maybe I should take a road trip for a few days just to get away for a bit and clear my head a little. I still had over a week before my next writing assignment was due and I could easily work on it as I traveled.

Resolved to head home and figure out a destination for my impromptu trip, I headed down the back staircase and straight to my truck. Nearby places of interest were popping into my mind and I became genuinely excited about exploring a few areas around the Western Peninsula. Charlie was already gone when I pulled into the driveway and I was glad to have the place to myself for the day. With my laptop perched on the coffee table and a fresh cup of coffee nearby, I began mapping my course getting more and more worked up as I researched the venues I wanted to visit. In order to make sure I had ample time at each location, I had to cull the list down to just a few. Hopefully, I could take more mini vacations soon and see all the spots I had originally thought worth seeing.

Convincing Charlie to let me travel on my own was a little more difficult than I expected. Not that he could stop me, but he could take away the only place I had to stay at the moment. He reluctantly consented once he realized how much I wanted to go and after I promised to call him at least once a day to check in. Now, all I had to do was figure out routes that would have abundant gas stations. My only vehicle was still the truck my dad had given me when I first moved in with him. It was old then, it was ancient now. But he had kept her running for me all this time and I no longer had Mike's car as an option, so the old faded red Chevy would just have to do for the time being. I just hoped she didn't break down on me anywhere along the way.

The next morning I woke up early eager to start my adventure. I had done most of my packing the night before so, once I took a shower, all I had left was my toiletry bag and the few things I needed that morning. I headed downstairs to say goodbye to Charlie only to find Edward sitting at the kitchen table rather than my father. I managed to notice he looked a lot better than he did yesterday before he opened his big obnoxious, perfect mouth.

"Charlie asked me to tell you to have a good trip on his behalf. He left about an hour ago to go fishing with Billy," Edward explained calmly as he sipped coffee from my favorite mug and read the newspaper. He didn't even look at me.

"Well, thank you ever so much for passing along that information. Would you mind telling me what the hell you're doing here?" I tried to keep my voice from portraying my mixed emotions regarding his presence but the words came out about an octave higher than normal.

"You didn't really think I would let you travel alone in that hunk of metal you call a truck did you?"

"That doesn't answer my question, Edward." I was quickly getting irritated with his lackadaisical attitude. And how did he even know about my trip?

"I'm going with you," he replied as if the answer should have been obvious.

"Are you fucking kidding me? This trip is supposed to give me a chance to get away from things, most of all you, and you think that I'm going to let you come with me?" I may have started to get a little hysterical at this point. I felt an overwhelming urge to rip his hair out and throw it at him. But, I could have been overreacting a tad due to the amount of stress I had been under recently.

"No joke, we're taking my car. It's much safer and I won't have to worry about you ending up stranded in the middle of nowhere." With that he strode over to the sink, emptied and cleaned his mug before setting it on the dish rack to dry. "And you might want to close your mouth before a bug crawls in there to nest or something." He laughed heartily as he made his way over to me.

I wanted to yell at him, to push him away and scratch his eyeballs a little. Instead, I stood there like a deer in headlights as he stalked toward me. Never before had I felt so much like prey and part of me was excited about the idea of the predator capturing me. Fortunately, he blinked and the spell was broken enough for me to regain my senses. I abruptly took a step back and shook my head. There was no way on God's green Earth I was going to let him manipulate me into agreeing to let him accompany me on my road trip. I rallied the troops and squared my shoulders determined not to let him win this battle.

"I did not invite you and I'm sure Charlie would not be happy with me traveling with you so I think you better just head on home. This is one argument you cannot possibly win, Cullen." I knew he hated to be called by his last name unless he was playing sports and I wanted to make him angry enough to leave.

"Actually, I got an interesting phone call last night. You see, your daddy thought your spontaneous little trip was some kind of secret rendezvous with me. When he realized I had no idea what he was talking about, he calmed down considerably thus allowing me the opportunity to convince him you should not go all by yourself out into the big bad world. By the end of the conversation Chief Swan was practically begging me to go with you. So, little Swan, daddy dearest not only knows that I am going with you, he insists upon it." Edward had inched his way closer while speaking and was only a foot away when I noticed his proximity.

"What do I have to do to convince you that I do not want you to come with me? That I don't need anyone taking care of me or watching out for me?" I asked angrily.

"Isabella, there is nothing you can say or do that will change my mind. I cannot bear to let you leave and I can't stand all this hostility between us. This trip will give us a chance to talk, get everything out in the open. Because every time I look at you I see the distrust in your eyes and it kills me."

His hand reached out and pulled me against him before I had a chance to turn and stalk away as I fully intended to do. Without warning his lips were on mine devouring me heart and soul. I was half ecstatic and half terrified. He said we would talk while traveling but I didn't know if I could trust him. He was right about my reluctance to put any faith in him. For as long as I had known Edward Cullen all he ever did was hurt me. How could I move past that and trust him enough to spend five days completely alone with him? And the route I planned to take led through some rather desolate areas. But, Charlie knew he was with me. Certainly, that was adequate to keep him from doing anything to harm me – physically at least. The main problem centered on my fear that I would allow him to do things that I would later regret. If I fully let Edward into my life, there would be no going back for me. He would be it for me and I was scared to death of him taking advantage of my feelings. Could Edward Cullen be trusted with my heart?

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**A/N:** I've noticed a trend of a lot of readers but not a lot of reviews. Just wanted to let you all know I'm perfectly okay with that. I just hope you are enjoying this story as much as I am. These two make me laugh and want to kick something all at the same time.

Thanks!

~SP


	8. Travel and Redemption

**Disclaimer**: I claim no ownership of Twilight or its original plot. No harm intended, I'm just having fun with these silly kids.

**A/N:** Here is day one of the misadventures of Edward and Bella.

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Chapter Seven

Travel and Redemption

"Ugh," I huffed. "There are not enough words. I've used "enough" seven freaking times already!" The laptop let out a loud "thwack" sound as I slammed it shut. I was frustrated and starting to get angry at my inability to complete even the first few pages of my latest assignment for work. It really should not be this hard. Writing was always the one thing that came easily for me.

"Can't say I've never experienced frustration with the inadequacies of the English language myself," Edward said in a calm tone that belied the tension surrounding us in the confines of his car.

The sound of his voice startled me. I had been so absorbed in my own thoughts that I had almost forgotten he was even there, which was wholly absurd considering our situation. Not four hours ago he had half dragged me out of my home using the persuasive abilities of those amazing lips of his to make me forget that I had absolutely no intention of allowing him to accompany me on the trip I had planned in order to get away from him for a few days. We were just outside the Forks city limits before my senses had returned. By then, it was too late. Edward refused to stop the car or take me back home. So, I did what any other mature woman would have done in my place. I pouted like a petulant child. When he still refused to give in to my demands, I resorted to ignoring him completely.

Shortly after my latest outburst, we pulled into a drive thru and, since I still chose not to acknowledge him verbally, Edward ordered for both of us. When he handed me my food, I realized he had gotten me exactly what I would have gotten for myself back in my high school days of an overactive metabolism and no concern for my overall health. He could not have known the change in my dietary habits because we really did not know each other very well anymore – if we ever did. What was astounding though was that he knew what I would have ordered during a time when he had appeared to care nothing about my presence except as an opportunity to inflict torture mercilessly.

"Why did you get me this?" I focused my gaze on the burger and fries in front of me rather than looking up to gauge his response to my question.

"The first time I saw you eating this meal was also the first time I realized you truly were different from all the other girls, Little Swan." Without further explanation, he took a large bite of his own food, effectively ending the conversation for the time being.

A small smile spread involuntarily across my face. I recalled the day he referenced. Alice and I were craving some greasy goodness but her parents had taken her car away from her because they caught her sneaking out of the house in the middle of the night, on a school night no less, to meet up with Jasper. In a rare act of kindness, Edward agreed to take us stating he was hungry and planning on going somewhere anyway. For some reason, he hated my beloved truck even way back then and refused to let his sister be seen in such an atrocity of machinery. His words, not mine. So, we had gone to our favorite fast food restaurant and it was the first time I ever saw Edward look at me with an expression other than total distaste since we had initially met. Ever since Alice had introduced us, my mouth kept vomiting ridiculousness whenever he was near causing him to hate me more and more with each occurrence. I was surprised he remembered what I had to eat that day though.

"What does that mean, exactly?" I asked once he had finished chewing and was taking a gulp of his bucket of soda.

Really, these large sized combo meals were insane. My entire daily allowance of choleric intake could be found in just one of the "value" sized cups. Then you add fries and a burger and you could subsist for a week without eating anything else. And we wondered why over 5o percent of Americans were obese. Okay, soapbox away, he's about to answer me. His brow furrowed together, almost to the point of making him look like he had a uni-brow, indicating that he was seriously considering his reply. I was glad he didn't just spout out some sarcastic remark like he typically did.

"You're not like any woman I've ever met, Bella. You are so real and you make no excuses for who you are or how you are. Shit, I can't explain this right. You are the most amazing, beautiful woman I have ever met and you enraptured me from the first moment I ever looked into those deep brown eyes of yours. I fought for so long to push you away, and sometimes you said the dumbest shit, but I've always longed for you, always will."

We were quiet for a long time after that. The only sounds in the car were the low sounds of the radio mixed with our intermittent chewing and gulping. Edward had just confessed that he had been interested in me for as long as I had been infatuated with him. I honestly did not know how to react to his revelation. Sometime later, the car came to a stop and Edward turned the key to shut off the engine. His motions caused me to finally glance out the window to see where we were. I had been so wrapped up in my musings that I had not even been paying attention to the sights around me, which were half the reason I picked the roads I had for my trip, well our trip now I guessed.

My door opened, scaring me so much that I let out a little yelp. I hadn't even noticed he had gotten out of the vehicle. He laughed a little at my reaction before offering his hand to help me out of the car. I almost slapped his hand away but thought better of it when I felt how stiff my muscles had become from hours sitting rigidly in the seat of his car. He kept me steady until I was standing. When I stretched my arms above my head I caught Edward checking me out. His eyes were slightly glazed as they wandered to the skin exposed between my t-shirt and pants due to my current position. I may have stretched a little longer than necessary and enjoyed his obvious arousal. Knowing that Edward desired me gave me a large boast of confidence. He was perfection personified, after all, and if he was attracted to me that must mean something, right?

Edward was still staring intently in my direction but I refused to contemplate his reaction any further. Edward was not going to ruin my mission of having a great adventure. Now, I just had a chauffeur. I walked toward the office of the hotel. My plan involved staying in this quaint little town until tomorrow afternoon. There was no time allotted to ponder the mysteries of Edward Cullen. As I went to pay for a room for the night, an arm reached across my line of sight. The clerk took the credit card extended to him as I turned to give Edward the bitch-eye, as Alice had dubbed it. Instead of bowing to my mercy, he simply rolled his eyes in response and completed paying for the room. He accepted the keys, receipt and his card before turning to walk back toward his car. Oh, hell no.

"Wait, wait, wait!" I yelled as I ran to catch up to him as my mind finally caught up with the fact that we had only secured one room. "Please tell me you do not seriously think we are sharing a room." I tried to keep my voice even but it had a shrilling quality to it that gave away my emotions.

He simply smirked at me in return.

"Never mind, I'll just go back and get a room of my own," I spat at his retreating form.

There was no way he was getting away with this one. He could keep his big fat sexy lips and all his other voodoo to himself for one night. I'm pretty sure I could resist him now that I knew what he was capable of and how it affected me. Before I made it back to the office door, however, two strong hands grabbed my shoulders and turned me around rather forcefully. Those stupid, gorgeous, green eyes were glaring in my direction and swimming with emotion. He looked positively feral and I realized I did not yet know all of this man's tricks. This was going to be harder than I thought, but I was still very determined.

"Bella," he started before taking a deep breath, seemingly trying to calm himself down. "There are two beds in the room and it doesn't make any sense to spend the extra money to get another room for one night. I promise to behave." He finished his remark with a wink.

Well, at least we wouldn't be sharing a bed, hopefully. His ass looked amazing in the dark jeans he was wearing. And his dark grey shirt was just tight enough to showcase the definition of his just right muscles. He wasn't too muscular or too lean. He was just perfect. I wiped the little bit of drool off the edge of my mouth and shook my head to clear the images flooding it thanks to my highly overactive imagination. A nice, long shower would help rid me of these crazy delusional fantasies starring the very sexy, very unattainable man who seemed hell-bent on wearing down my defenses. So, I quickly snatched one of the cardkeys from his hand, grabbed my bag out of the now opened trunk of his car, and strutted away as model-like as I could, which wasn't very much like any of the people I ever saw walking down a runway. This day could not possibly get any more confusing. I headed straight into the bathroom and climbed into the shower as soon as the water was warm. As the heavenly heat soothed my aches, I began to question Edward's motives. Why was he suddenly so interested? He had never shown anything but distain toward me before my recent move back to Forks. Only one answer seemed logical. I was some type of conquest for him. Girls fell at his feet and he never had to work to get a girl to share his bed. I had practically thrown myself at him that summer after high school but I had worked diligently to shut him out of my life ever since. He probably just needed to prove to himself that he hadn't lost his touch or some sick shit like that.

I was sitting on the bed furthest from the door working on my column when Edward waltzed in carrying a multitude of shopping bags. Without a word, he began unpacking while I went back to writing. Of course, now I couldn't concentrate because his presence distracted me. I tried not to watch as he moved about the room. I really did try. But, I wasn't very successful.

"What are you typing over there?" He asked even though I hadn't pressed a button since he had walked into the room. Was he teasing me? Did he know I was focusing on him rather than on my laptop?

"Hmm, I'm just working on an assignment that has to be submitted by the end of next week. It's proving to be more difficult than I expected." I shrugged my shoulders in an attempt at nonchalance.

"What's the subject? Maybe I can help?" He offered and I could not stop the heat rising to the surface of my cheeks.

"I have to write about society's view of women and how that trickles down to everyday life."

"Oh."

That's all he could think of as a response? Typical Edward would be all over me for something like this. I just handed him a prime opportunity to make some type of crude remark and he didn't take it. I wasn't yet accustomed to nice Edward. Being around him was too unnerving. I felt the bed shift and looked over to find Edward sitting on the edge of the bed with a strange look on his face. I so wasn't in the mood for another awkward moment like the ones we had been sharing these past few weeks. Instead of giving him the chance to continue his seduction mission, I opened my mouth and said the first thing that came to mind.

"So, you want to help? I'm sure your perspective on this would be very interesting. After all, you certainly have lots of experience dealing with women." Sarcasm practically oozed out with my words.

The glare he gave me almost made me regret my words. But he cleared his expression quickly and sat straighter before answering. I was a little afraid of what he was going to say. I had obviously struck a nerve. Part of me felt a little guilty. But, I didn't say anything that wasn't true.

"Women are an enigma. Every time I think I have them figured out, one throws me a curve ball. I may have a reputation as a lady's man, but I'm afraid the truth would disappoint you, Miss Swan." His tone was harsh yet soft at the same time. How did he do that?

"Edward, have you forgotten that I practically lived at your house our junior and senior years? I saw proof of your promiscuity on a regular basis." And that was putting it mildly.

"You really think I slept with all those girls? Wow, you really do have a piss poor impression of me then. Thanks for assuming the worst."

He was on the other side of the room in an instant and I was left wondering how I could end up feeling guilty when he was the one who had tortured me by flaunting his parade of girls any chance he got. Every time I spent the night with Alice, Edward made sure I knew when he had a girl with him. His argumentative reaction made absolutely no sense.

"You made it your priority to make sure I knew exactly what you and those girls were doing. If Alice and I weren't around, you sought us out to insure we were fully aware of who you were with and what you were planning on doing with her. So, don't you dare stand there and act all high and mighty. I didn't _assume_ anything; you made the reality of what was going on behind your closed bedroom door all too perfectly clear." Tears were escaping by the end of my little tirade.

I turned my face away trying to hide my traitorous reaction. For once I wanted to be angry without turning into a blubbering mess. I really did not want him to know how much I was still affected by his actions from all those years ago. He did not need to become privy to his power over me. I heard him sigh from the other side of the room but I ignored him and continued to stare at the wall trying to stop the tears. Perhaps tomorrow I would look for a bus station and high tail it back to Forks. Of course, that would just be repeating exactly what I had done when I was eighteen. Running hadn't been the right answer then and it likely wasn't this time either. Hopefully, I would feel better in the morning.

"Bella, look at me please," Edward pleaded softly at my side. I hadn't even realized he was so close.

When I didn't acknowledge his request, his long fingers gently grabbed hold of my chin and turned my head until he could see my face. His expression was so sad. Then he noticed my tears and shock seemed to take up residence in his eyes.

"Shit, Bella, I didn't mean to make you cry. You just make me so crazy sometimes. Can I just apologize for what a total ass I was to you back then so that we can move forward?" He sounded so remorseful and sincere but I was still so unsure.

"Edward, it doesn't matter. You were just being a typical teenager trying to get your sister mad or whatever. I get it. I just don't know why you want to deny that your sex life is anything but dull." My shoulders slumped in defeat once I finished speaking. I was exhausted and hungry.

"Why don't we just order room service for dinner and call it a day? Tomorrow we will push ahead and try to put the past behind us. Deal?" He asked as he reached for my hand.

I wanted to so badly to believe in the words he spoke. I needed to be able to get over the hurt I felt, but I just wasn't sure it could be so easy. Maybe trying this his way was my only option. My head bobbed up and down in answer since I did not think my voice was up to the task. He smiled brightly and reached out to squeeze my hand in his.

"Do you remember what happened the other night at the club?" His question made all thought process freeze. Apparently, he knew what occurred during those hours I could not remember. Oh boy, this should be interesting.

"Everything after Rose and Alice yanked me off the dance floor is a blur. I vaguely recall being forced to drink a whole glass of water, but nothing is clear. I woke up in the guest room a little concerned about how I had gotten there and how I had managed to change into an ill-fitting t-shirt." Sheesh, why was I telling him all this?

He laughed heartily at me for a moment before clearing up part of the mystery. "That was my shirt and I helped you get into it."

I wanted to smack that smirk right off his face.

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**A/N**: So...how do you think the rest of this little journey is going to pan out? I'm curious. These two would have a blast if they'd let themselves give into all the sexual tension swirling around them. Wonder when Edward will finally get into Bella's tight pants :-)


	9. You've Got to Be Kidding

**Disclaimer**: SM owns, I play

**A/N**: Yes, it's really a new chapter...sorry to make you wait so long.

**Helpful Reminder**: We left our lovable couple on the first evening on their journey. Bella is frustrated that Edward insisted on accompanying her on a trip that was supposed to help get her away from him for a few days. They are nestled in their motel room - Edward refused to allow Bella to get her own room.

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**Chapter 8**

**You've Got to Be Kidding**

He laughed heartily at me for a moment before clearing up part of the mystery. "That was my shirt and I helped you get into it."

I wanted to smack that smirk right off his face.

"Are you going to explain that comment?" I asked as I fought the urge to resort to physical violence.

"Alice called me because she was concerned about you. Apparently, you made quite an impression on one of your dance partners and he refused to back off. So, I came in and made sure you made it home safely."

"Alice called you?" I honestly didn't remember seeing her on her phone nor did I recall anyone flirting with me.

"Yep, she said the asshole wouldn't leave you alone. He kept trying to convince you to leave with him."

"I highly doubt I would have taken him up on any offers," I defended. Certainly, I wasn't that out of it.

"According to Rose and Alice, you weren't exactly dissuading him from his attentions. Alice was worried she wouldn't be able to stop you if you really wanted to go, so she called in reinforcements."

"Wow, I really don't remember any of that."

"Yeah, well, you were pretty sloshed. I was glad Alice called me instead of trying to handle the situation on her own. If something bad happened to you, I honestly don't know what I would do," he admitted.

I searched his eyes trying to find out whether or not he was telling the truth. All I found was complete sincerity and it confused the hell out of me. Ugh, this man infuriated and thrilled me. He had total control of the situation and I was pretty sure he knew it. I really needed to fight harder to resist his practiced charms. He certainly had enough opportunities to hone his skills. Damn, how did he keep weaseling his way under my skin?

"Thank you for helping and for not taking advantage of the situation," I muttered feeling as though I had to say something.

"Bella, I wanted to make you jealous," he said but I had no idea what he was talking about.

"What?"

"Those girls, in high school, I didn't really sleep with all of them," he answered in a no-nonsense tone.

"Oh." I honestly had no idea how to respond to that revelation, especially the "all" part. So, he was admitting to sleeping with some of them even if not _all_ of them. Did he really think that would make a difference? Then I remembered why I had been upset when he showed up at my house that morning. "You ignored me."

"What?" It was his turn to be confused by what I said.

"You basically ignored me at your parents' house the other night and then didn't talk to me for two days. It upset me. That's why I drank so much, and, probably, why I allowed that guy to come onto me. I was feeling pretty low."

My honest response shocked me. I wanted to super glue my mouth shut so I couldn't say anything else. Edward was looking at me with a confused expression. My anger was bubbling just below the surface but I knew if I let him get me riled I would just continue to spill all my deepest darkest secrets so I tried to remain calm and keep my mouth shut. Finally, his smooth exterior ruffled. Instead of looking angry like I expected though, he appeared saddened by my words. His expression caused me to stop in my tracks. I had been so ready to fillet him and pick at his wounds with my rage while he gave as good as he got. Now, as he stood there gapping at me like I had stolen his puppy or something, all my intentions flew out the door. He wasn't mad, he was devastated.

"I just can't do anything right with you," he spoke so softly I could barely hear him. "No matter what my intentions or how hard I try; I just fuck it all up. I'm sorry, Bella," he finished as he sunk down on the other bed.

My mind was still rushing trying to catch up with the sudden shift in his demeanor. Every time I thought I had this man figured out and that I had the upper hand, he threw me for a freaking loop. All of our interactions ended with me even more flabbergasted than before and I wanted so badly to hate him. So, why didn't I?

"Edward, I am so confused. One minute I think you despise me but then you do a one-eighty and seem to maybe actually care," I confessed. I was too emotionally and physically drained to keep up pretenses.

"Bella, I have never despised you. This may sound crazy, but I think about you all the time. The few opportunities I had during the last few years to make things right with you were wasted because I was such a fucking coward."

"I don't understand." Okay, mind, this shouldn't be so hard.

"The other night was one of the worst and best of my life. Watching you hang all over that asshole just about killed me. You were so against me taking you home that I just about had to carry you out of the bar. Of course, at the time, I was too much of an idiot to realize you were upset because of my behavior.

"When I finally got you changed out of those beer soaked clothes, you started hugging me and telling me that you were tired of trying to stay away from me. Right before you fell asleep you said my name and then said you loved me."

Edward's voice faltered slightly and a tear pooled in the corner of his right eye. The desire to go to him and wrap myself up in his arms was overwhelming. Even my embarrassment over admitting my feelings to him in my sleep couldn't overshadow the tug I felt pulling me closer to him. My feet led me over to his side of the room. As soon as I was close enough, Edward grabbed me and drew me into his embrace. I sighed in utter contentment. He held me against him pressing our bodies as close together as possible. I fought the sobs bubbling up in my chest. Edward Cullen definitely cared. And that terrified me.

"I guess that scared you right out of the room," I chuckled trying to lighten the mood.

"What?"

"Nothing like a drunk girl hanging all over you and telling you she loves you to get a man to go running for the hills," I explained.

"No. You asked me to stay so I stayed," Edward stated resolutely as if trying to defend his actions.

"You weren't there when I woke up," I accused.

"I left early in the morning so no one would know I spent the night in your room. Plus, I wasn't sure how you would feel about me being there when you woke up sober."

"That was probably a smart move on your part." I had no idea how I would have responded to having Edward in my bed, especially with no recollection of what happened.

"Yeah, I didn't particularly feel like being punched that day," he laughed and I was glad the mood was at least somewhat lightened.

He still had his arms wrapped around me. Finding comfort in his embrace caused me to remember all the reasons I was determined to stay away from the exact situation. So, I stepped back and attempted to get my emotions in check. If I let this, whatever it was, continue, I was going to get hurt. There was no doubt in my mind about that. As if on cue, my stomach growled and gave me the distraction I so desperately needed.

"Why don't we figure out something for dinner? Obviously, I'm starving," I deadpanned.

"Sounds good, let me just take a quick shower, okay?"

I nodded in response to him and headed back over to my side of the room and my laptop. This stupid assignment wasn't going to write itself. I spent the next ten minutes engrossed in my work trying to avoid imagining Edward being naked in such close proximity. I had gotten enough glimpses of Edward without a shirt on to know the view would be exquisite to say the least.

Edward insisted on driving us somewhere to eat and I was surprised the small town had so many selections. In the end, we chose a small restaurant that overlooked the water. I loved being on the coast with its quiet, laid back atmosphere. The next morning, I planned on getting some quality time with the sun. We didn't get a chance to see each other much these days. The hostess sat us in a small table by a window. Without realizing, I got lost in the view. Seemingly endless ocean stretched beyond a small beach area. No wonder people used to believe the world was flat.

"Bella?" Edward's voice drew me from my reflections.

I looked up to find Edward and the waiter looking at me expectantly.

"Oh, hum, just water for me?" I asked rather than stated hoping I was right and they were waiting for my drink order.

The server nodded and turned toward the kitchen. I sighed in relief. The rest of the evening passed amicably, except when we argued over paying for our meal. Edward paid after much debate. We walked down a small boardwalk near the restaurant before we turned to head back to the car. Edward's hand rested on my lower back as we walked. I tried to ignore both it and the feeling his touch ignited within me. When we made it to the car, Edward walked us around to the passenger side, but did not open the door as I anticipated. Instead, he turned so that my back was to the car and then leaned in, placing both hands on either side of me, and resting them on the car behind me. His body pressed against mine as his lips made a slow decent from the side of my neck down to my shoulder. In response to the feel of his light kisses on my skin, my muscles turned to mush. With each caress of Edward's soft lips, I relaxed further into him. My brain was screaming warnings that my heart did not care to hear.

"You are so beautiful," Edward whispered in my ear once he had kissed his way back up to it.

"You're just saying that to win," I responded without thought.

"Win? What are you talking about?" He had raised his voice and taken a step back. I tried to pull him back but he stopped me. "What did you mean by that, Bella?" he demanded.

"I don't know, Edward, it just came out," I replied hesitantly. That was at least partially true.

Without another word, Edward opened the car door and helped me climb in before going to the driver's side. We made the short drive back to motel in silence. From out of the corner of my eye I could see his tensed jaw and death grip on the steering wheel. Apparently, Edward knew exactly what I was referring to when I accused him of just wanting to win. Apprehension was radiating through my body as I sat there and contemplated what his silence meant. Obviously, I was right on mark, and Edward was upset that I had figured him out before he got the chance to claim his prize. I felt sick. Once the car stopped in the parking lot, I headed straight for our room, cursing the tears that were already streaming down my cheeks. A strong hand wrapped around my arm, stopping me in my path toward the bathroom. I had intended to drown my sorrows in a warm shower.

"Is that really what you think of me?" Edward asked through clinched teeth.

"Edward, I don't know what to think of you half the time. The only reasonable explanation for all this," I gestured between us, "is that it's some sort of game for you."

His nostrils flared as he looked at me with pure disgust. He jerked his hand away from me as if touching me pained him. In that moment, I was horrified. I'd never seen so many emotions flash through someone's eyes so fast. As I was processing what was happening in front of me, Edward turned and stormed out the door. I ran behind him with no idea what I planned to do or say if I did catch him. Rain had started pouring down in the few minutes we were inside and I was soaked within seconds. Edward was already in the car. Tires squealed loudly as he flew out of the wet parking lot. I stood there long after the taillights of his car were gone. The rain penetrated through my clothes and I began to shiver from the cold. Finally, I turned and walked back inside. An hour later, I walked back out to see if there was any sign of Edward or his car. There wasn't. Each hour after that, I did the same. When midnight came and went with still no Edward, I stood under the rain and tilted my head up to the sky.

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**A/N**: Yikes, that can't be good, right? Don't worry the next chapter is almost finished so you shouldn't have to wait long to see what happens next.

Thanks so much to all of you for being here. I can't express how lucky I feel to know you are reading my words :-)


	10. End of the Day

**Disclaimer:** SM owns Twilight. I just twisted her characters around a little.

**A/N:** This one is short but I think that enough happens in this chapter to make up for how short it is. This was just the natural ending for the chapter and I didn't want just add words for the sake of length. I hope you understand.

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Chapter 9

End of the Day

The darkness prevented me from deciphering if the rain would stop anytime soon. I didn't care that I was wallowing. My mind raced with possible reasons for his reaction but the only one that came even close to making sense was that I had been right about his motives.

My cell phone rang from somewhere on the bed inside our room. I dashed toward it hoping to hear Edward's voice on the other end telling me everything was going to be okay. Instead, Alice's smiling face greeted me when I looked at the small screen. Maybe she had heard from Edward and was calling to yell at me for upsetting her brother.

"Hello?" I answered tentatively.

"Oh, Bella, thank goodness. I've been trying to reach you all day!" she exclaimed.

"Alice, I'm on vacation, remember? I'm making it a point not to carry my phone around everywhere I go," I explained.

"I forgot. Listen, have you heard from Edward? I've been trying to call him since yesterday and he hasn't answered or called me back, it's not like him and I'm starting to get a little worried, ya know?" She paused to breathe and I jumped in knowing it was my only chance.

"Alice, Edward is fine. He decided at the last minute to join me on my impromptu trip. I'm surprised he didn't tell you, but I assure you, he's not lying dead in a ditch somewhere or anything like that." At least I didn't think he was.

"That's great, Bella. I hope you two have fun," she said quickly and was gone.

The girl calls me at close to one in the morning all in a panic about her missing brother then just hangs up when she finds out he's with me? Alice had always been slightly odd. But this was strange even for her. The good thing about her weird phone call was that it had managed to keep me from panicking about Edward's absence for a few minutes. I dropped the phone back on the bed and returned to my post against the wall just outside the door. The rain had already done as much damage as it could so I wasn't worried about getting any wetter. I didn't think that was even possible at this point. I shivered and closed my eyes against the unrelenting darkness. As each minute passed, the night seemed to creep closer until it was enveloping me with its bleakness.

"Bella, what the hell are you doing out here?" the voice I had been longing to hear asked harshly. I sighed in release despite his tone.

A sob escaped as relief flooded through me. He had returned. Part of me was afraid he had abandoned me and gone back to Forks. Yet, there he stood in all his sexy glory looking better than anyone had a right to when being drowned by pouring down rain. Edward's bright green eyes softened when he took in my haggard appearance. Within seconds, I was folded into his warm embrace. He held me close as he led me back into our room.

"Damn it, Bella, you're soaked and freezing. Why would you do this to yourself?" he questioned as I just stared up at him.

My body quaked as the tears continued to flow freely down my cheeks. This man affected me in ways I never dreamed possible and I was petrified that I may have ruined any chance I had with him. There was still the rampant insecurity raging war within myself attempting to convince my mind that Edward's heart was not in this. There was a very realistic possibility that he would break me. No one had ever had that kind of power over me before and I cringed inwardly at the realization. Edward Cullen, in all likelihood, would destroy my heart. But when he looked at me like he was in this moment, I did not care. I wanted whatever I could get for as long as I could get it.

I closed my eyes and sighed trying to control my shivering. The attempts proved fruitless as the cold encompassed every inch of my body. My muscles were beginning to cramp and my fingers were completely numb. Thoughts of hypothermia permeated my muddled brain but all I could truly focus on was the feeling of Edward's strong arms wrapped tightly around me. He was back. He was there. He was silent. His eyes flicked around the room rapidly refusing to make contact with my own. Some unknown battle was raging within and I had no idea what he was thinking. Did he come back just to get his stuff and felt obligated to stay when he saw me standing in the rain pathetically awaiting his return? Would he ever just come out and tell me honestly how he felt about me? All the doubts and second guessing were getting old. I just wanted to know, one way or the other, if Edward Cullen truly cared about me.

Reluctantly, I pulled away from him. I wanted to take a hot shower, put on some warm sweats, and curl up in bed. I craved warmth. I needed it. But as I tried to pry myself away from his comforting embrace, he refused to permit me. Instead of letting go, he held on tighter. His face made its way to my neck where he nestled contently. I felt the tension leave his body as his muscle relaxed and he drew me completely into him. There was absolutely no space between us. The shivering continued despite Edward's heat. With determined purpose, Edward drew away from me minutely and began unbuttoning my shirt. My first reaction was to pull back and stop his movements, but a shake of his head deterred me instantly. Once my shirt was discarded, he removed his own followed by both of our jeans. He then led me over to one of the beds and wrapped us in a cocoon of warmth. Almost immediately, my shivering began to subside. Being with him like this was the best feeling in the world.

"Why, Bella?" he sighed into my hair. "Why do you fight me every step of the way?" he continued without giving me a chance to answer. "After driving around for hours I finally figured out why you push me away, I think. I've never come out and just told you how I feel. In my mind, I've made it completely obvious, but I've never actually come out and just said it. I'm sorry for that."

I waited patiently for him to say what he meant, but he remained silent for several minutes. He still wasn't telling me anything. Frustration boiled up inside once more as the seconds ticked by with no more explanations from him. Did he even realize what he was saying? He exhaled loudly before bringing a hand up to his hair and pushing it back roughly.

"You're still shivering and your skin isn't getting any warmer."

"Nothing a warm shower can't fix," I responded. Our bodies were tangled together so that I could barely move but that didn't stop me from trying.

Before I could make my way out of the bed, Edward lifted me effortlessly and carried me into the small bathroom. He watched me intently as he reached around to unclasp my bra. My attempts to push him away were futile. He turned on the water and then removed my panties. I stood there shivering from the cold that permeated my skin and the look in his eyes as he raked them over my body. I had never felt so exposed. Mike had barely made the effort to take off my clothes. He hadn't even bothered to remove my top since all he needed was below my waist. Edward, however, took the time to appreciate each exposed inch and I had to fight the urge to cover myself with my arms.

"So beautiful," he murmured.

Without further hesitation, he removed his boxers and lifted me into the steaming stream of the shower. I refused to look anywhere but at his chest. At first, the hot water was painful as it stung my icy skin. Eventually, the prickling feeling dissipated and warmth overcame the cold. Finally, I was able to relax completely, causing me to moan with pleasure. With extreme tenderness, Edward washed my hair and body, making me feel wanted and desired. His gaze remained fixed on mine the entire time, mesmerizing me with the intensity, silently speaking the words I had still not heard him say out loud. The desire to believe what I was seeing was powerful enough to force my lids to shut. Looking at him made concentrating nearly impossible. Gah, I wanted this man.

"Bella, when are you going to let me mark you?" he asked huskily.

"Huh?" Mark me?

"That tattoo we designed will be so beautiful on you. I can't wait to see it completed," his words ghosted across my skin causing me to quiver.

"Oh, I guess as soon as possible," I answered with a shaky tone. The thought of him "marking" me sent my heart into overdrive.

We climbed out of the shower once he was satisfied that I had gotten enough heat back into my body. Edward's complete attentiveness had me questioning everything I thought I knew about him. I tried to review our interactions without clouding them with my insecurities. What this process revealed was almost overwhelming. My steps faltered as we made our way from the bathroom back to the main area of the room causing Edward to run right into me.

"Shit, Bella, are you okay?" His voice was laced with concern.

A huge smile spread across my face as I turned in Edward's arms. He had instinctively reached out to steady me when we collided. He quirked his eyebrow at my sudden change of expression. Laughter bubbled up from somewhere deep in my belly and erupted in a rather unattractive guffaw. I covered my mouth in wide-eyed surprise at the noise that just escaped from it. Apparently, Edward thought all this was the funniest thing he had ever encountered because he was laughing so hard he snorted. Of course, the sound just made me lose it completely.

"I have never been better," I answered once I finally got myself under some semblance of control.

"Well, that's good to know. May I ask the reason for your sudden shift in emotions?" Edward was still smiling as he asked this question.

"You like me, you really, really like me," I practically squealed as I launched myself back into his arms.

He accepted me in his embrace and held me tightly. The relief I felt in that moment was euphoric. Truly accepting my deep seated feelings for Edward and that he actually cared about me in return was liberating. Edward pulled back just enough to be able to look into my eyes. I guess he liked whatever he saw there because he closed the distance between us once more and claimed my lips with his own. The kisses we had shared before had been amazing but had nothing on this one. His unchecked passion leaked through as he gave me all of himself, reaffirming my recent revelations regarding his devotion. I moaned pathetically as Edward's tongue entered my mouth. That kiss irrevocably changed everything.

"Oh, Bella, I can't even tell you how long I've waited for this moment. I love you, Isabella Marie Swan, with all that I am, I love you." His words cascaded over me like a warm blanket and I knew I had the goofiest grin on my face, but I couldn't bring myself to care.

"I love you too, Edward Anthony Cullen." Confessing my love left me elated, especially after Edward's excited reaction that followed.

"WooHoo!" He actually cheered loudly before pulling me against him and sealing our declarations with another kiss.

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**A/N:** Thank you so much for continuing to read even though I'm horrible about updating! This story is just about over. I'm thinking one more chapter and then maybe a short epi. We still have a few hurdles to leap but these two are almost there.


	11. So This is Love

**A/N: ***peeks in to see if anyone is still around only to hear a bunch of crickets chirping* Nope, your eyes are not deceiving you. This really is an update for this story. I can't apologize enough for how long it has taken to get this to you. Please forgive me?

**Recap of Chapter 9: **Bella decided to escape from Forks for a few days to get away from Edward only to have Edward show up on her doorstep insisting he go with her. While on their journey, Edward finally lays it all on the line and confesses his love for Bella. We pick up with these two right after the declarations have been made and Edward has gotten Bella all warmed back up after she spent several hours out in the rain waiting for him to return.**  
**

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**Chapter 10**

**So This is Love**

With a deep sigh, Edward pulled away from me, indicating we really needed to get dressed. I tried to protest, but Edward just shook his head and went to get our pajamas. All I wanted was to make love to him now that I knew for sure that he loved me. Edward, however, seemed hell-bent on ensuring that didn't happen. Instead, we cuddled on the bed, fully clothed, and talked for hours. The next few days were spent in a bubble of pure bliss. Although we kissed, _a lot_, that was as physical as we got. Edward always stopped things when they started to get more heated. I tried not to over think it and just enjoy our time together away from everything. We traveled to a few more spots on my list before heading back toward Forks. Part of me was actually terrified of returning. Even though I was excited to get home and back into a normal routine, I was worried about how Edward would act around me when in the presence of his friends and family. I knew my fears were mostly due to my insecurities, but that didn't change how I felt. As if he could read my thoughts, Edward reached over the center console and grabbed my hand in his. He squeezed it gently and gave me a sweet smile. We didn't say much on the last day of the drive back, and I began to fidget as we passed the sign that welcomed us to Forks.

Edward likely thought I preferred the silence, but honestly, I was getting lost in the trappings of my imagination. I had convinced myself that he was going to go back to being the aloof man I had known all these years. Apparently, Edward wanted to get some things straight before we ended our journey because he pulled onto a deserted side street, put the car in park, and turned to face me. He brought my hand to his lips and kissed it reassuringly. He looked at me for a moment as if he were trying to make up his mind about what to say.

"Look, Bella, I'm not going to lie and say this is going to be easy. Even though I haven't been _that_ guy since the night you showed up in my bed all those years ago, a lot of girls around here still think of me in that light. I don't encourage them anymore, of course, but that doesn't necessarily deter some of them. When I moved back to Forks last year, I was surprised by the attention I got. I've kind of learned to just ignore it or smile it away, but I don't want any of it to make you uncomfortable. I've waited far too long for you to let their actions ruin this," Edward stated so sincerely that I knew he was being completely honest.

"I'm not sure I understand. Why would they still be pursuing you if you've made it clear you're not interested?" I questioned skeptically. Maybe some of these girls needed to read that book, _He's Just Not That Into You_ or whatever the hell it was called.

"Honestly, I probably haven't made it _perfectly_ clear, I guess. I just shrug them off with a smile and hope for the best. Maybe it's because they haven't seen me with anyone else so they think they still have a chance. Once they figure out that we're together, it might go away or it might get worse. I'm really not sure. It won't be for long either way," he stated before his eyes widened impossibly big. I ran his words over again in my mind to try to figure out the reason for his seemingly out of place expression. Wait…

"'Won't be for long'? What do you mean?" I wasn't sure how he could know a timeframe for the potential repercussions but also have no idea what the reactions would be to our relationship.

"Damn, this is not how I wanted to tell you this. Shit." He fidgeted in his seat, running both hands through his hair then pinching the bridge of his nose.

"Edward, please just tell me. I'm sure all the scenarios running through my head right now are far worse than the truth." At least I hoped they were.

"When I finished med school in just three years, my parents suggested I take it easy for a little while. After thinking about it, I realized I really liked the idea of taking a break from my studies. I'm not even sure if you knew I'd been back that long. We've never really talked about that. Anyway, I've always enjoyed art and finding an outlet through tattooing has been pretty great. A few months before you moved back, I decided I really wanted to pursue this as a career rather than just as a way to keep me from getting bored for a year or two while I tried to decide what direction I wanted to take my life. I'm not going to become a doctor. And Forks doesn't really have much to offer in the way of clientele for my shop. I mean, I get customers all the way from Seattle and other places sometimes, but in general, there really aren't enough people around here to keep the shop going for much longer. At least not in the way I envision, and I've thought a lot about how I want my shop to be." He paused and stared at me for a few seconds as if trying to gauge my reactions so far. I couldn't quite grasp what he was saying.

"So, you're not going back to school…but you're not staying in Forks?" I asked as a way to put it all together in my mind more than anything else. The future hadn't really been on my radar recently. I was too caught up in ending my dead-end relationship with Mike and coming to terms with my feelings for Edward to think too far ahead of any given moment.

"Right," he answered while still watching me intently as if I were a ticking bomb that might go off any second.

"So, what are your plans?" I asked even though I wasn't sure if I really wanted to know.

"I'm just going to say it. Just throw it out there like ripping off a band aid, okay?" he asked, and I nodded for him to continue. "Next week I'm going to California to look at a few potential properties. I've been working with a real estate agent based out of LA to find a place for my new shop. As soon as I find a place, I'm moving there."

Damn, I wasn't expecting that. He and I had finally found each other but it wasn't meant to be, apparently. I should have known it was all too good to be true. I wanted to stomp my feet in irritation like a petulant child. This was so not fair! Why did he tell me he loved me if he had no intention of sticking around long enough to do anything about it? Was all of this a sick ploy to get back at me? What had I done to deserve this? I felt so stupid. Yet he sat there looking at me as if whatever I said next would make or break him. I had no idea what he wanted from me.

"You're leaving me," I whispered, wondering how the words had slipped past my lips. If anything, I had meant to simply state he was leaving. Somehow the "me" was added at the end without my permission. Well, I guessed it was better just to hash this all out now rather than later.

"No! This is why I didn't want to tell you. Shit," he exclaimed, causing me to shrink back into my seat and against the door of the car. I couldn't even control my actions at that point. I was desperate to get home and away from him as soon as possible. I even debated jumping out of the car and running the rest of the way home. Of course, he would either stop me or I would end up tripping and hurting myself, so I quickly put that idea out of my head. Plus, I didn't want him to see how much he was killing me with the information he just unloaded.

"It's fine, Edward. Just take me home and you can go live it up in LA without having to worry about being attached or stifling your dream," I spat bitterly, fighting the tears that threatened to spill out and reveal how much I was suffering.

"Damn it, Bella," he practically shouted. "I'm telling you this because I didn't want you to get the wrong idea and think what you're thinking now if you heard it from someone else. I love you, Bella. I mean that. You are my life and I don't even want to imagine having to live without you, especially now that I know you love me too. Please, just hear me out, okay?" He begged and I nodded. As much as it hurt to be there, nursing the sting of rejection, I figured I owed it to both of us to at least give him a chance to explain. I had already done enough damage because I hadn't let him explain himself that fateful night, and I didn't want to end up broken hearted again if it could be so easily avoided. If I had just listened to everything he had to say that night at his house, we could've avoided so much of the hurt I'd lived with for so long.

"Okay, I'm listening." I just hoped whatever he had to say wouldn't break me completely. I was so close as it was.

"Most of these plans were made before you came back, and then when I saw you with Newton and found out you were going to move in with him, I knew I couldn't stay around to watch that. I hated the idea of you with anyone else, especially him. So, I kicked up the process of moving my home base to LA. At the time, I needed to put distance between us because it hurt me to see you and not have you. Then you fell, and I saw how horrible that douche was to you while you were staying with us. Not to mention that conversation you had with Alice about what a dick he was in bed. I just couldn't seem to control myself around you.

"Bella, I want you to move with me, but I don't know if that's what you want. I'm afraid of asking you to do it because I don't want you moving out there only to end up resenting me if you hate it. Does any of this shit make sense?" He looked at me with so much fear that I realized he was just as scared as I was of what all this could mean.

"Edward, I don't know what to say or think. I'm so confused," I confessed, trying to be as honest as possible.

"I'm not asking for you to make a decision right this second. I just felt bad about not telling you sooner. Everything was just so up in the air. I was afraid you would run away again if I told you about LA. Bella, I can't lose you. If that means staying in Forks, I'll stay. You are all that matters. I'll do whatever you want as long as it means I don't have to let you go." A few tears trickled down his cheeks as he spoke, and I couldn't stop myself from reaching out and wiping them away even as my own started to fall.

"I don't want to lose you either." Saying it was like a huge relief for both of us. I knew he wanted me and he knew I wanted him.

"Thank God," he stated with a sigh as he unhooked my seatbelt and pulled me to him.

There was no better feeling than being in Edward's arms. His embrace had a way of making all my worries and concerns disappear. As long as I had him to hold me, I felt like I could do anything. And really, I could live anywhere and still be able to do my job. All I needed was access to the internet and current events. If Edward wanted to move to LA, I wouldn't stop him. Maybe, eventually, I would follow him. I didn't think I could do that until we'd had more time to solidify our relationship. We'd only just confessed our feelings for each other. Before that, we'd made a mess of things, royally. We definitely needed time to get to a point where we were both capable of having conversations without one of us jumping to conclusions. I wondered if we'd ever actually get to a point where things were not so jumbled between us.

"Wow, I can't believe he's really doing it," Alice stated as she exhaled.

"So, you knew he was thinking about it?" I questioned much more harshly than I intended. Alice knowing but not telling me felt like a punch to the gut. Even though we never really talked about it, Alice knew I was head over heels for her brother. She just had a way of sensing these types of things.

"Yes, but when you told me he was with you on your little vacation, I thought he'd changed his mind or something. I was actually trying to get in touch with him because I found a perfect place for his shop and wanted to tell him about it. I really thought he was going to tell you, and I didn't want to take that away from him in case he hadn't gotten the chance yet, so I let it go instead of giving you a message for him. I really believed he was going to tell you. If I doubted that, I would have told you myself, Bella. I swear." She didn't have to swear it for me to believe her. I'd trust Alice with my life. She was loyal, almost to a fault, but I loved her and I knew she thought of me as a part of her family.

"I know, Alice, I know. It was just so unexpected, you know? One minute we're declaring our love for each other and the next he drops this on me. I just don't know what to think or feel right now."

"You are going with him, right?" she asked hesitantly as if she couldn't believe she even had to ask.

"I don't know. I mean we haven't even defined what we are to each other yet. I don't even know if I can call him my boyfriend, and he wants me to think about moving hundreds of miles away with him. When I moved back to Forks, I wasn't excited about it, but, now that I'm here, I realize how much I missed being here. This is the only place I've ever truly felt at home. Giving all of that up for a possibility of a future with Edward seems reckless and stupid. Honestly, Alice, if we were talking about anyone other than your brother, would you still be encouraging me to go?" I knew I had her there by the look on her face. At least she finally seemed to understand my reluctance.

Almost as soon as Edward dropped me off at home, I called Alice. I hadn't even started unpacking before she was at my door, pulling me outside and to her car. We ended up at the local diner to have a milkshake while I told her all about the past week. I knew Alice would help me work through all the mixed up thoughts in my head so I could make a sound decision. She had always been there for me when I needed her, and I regretted more than ever the distance I had put between us after leaving Forks. She promised there were no hard feelings, and I believed her. I just couldn't believe I'd let it happen in the first place.

"Look, Bella, I'm not going to lie and say that the fact Edward is my brother doesn't change my opinion on the matter. It's probably not for the reason you think, though. I've watched how much Edward has been suffering since you came back here. Well, he's been a moody fucker ever since that summer after high school, but it's gotten worse lately. When I made the connection between his behavior and your return, I asked him about it. At first, he told me to mind my own fucking business. After awhile, though, he finally told me everything, including finding you in his bed that night." She gave me a very pointed look before continuing. "I love you both, and I just want to see you happy. You both messed up back then. I can't watch the two people I adore most go through that again. I think you should move with him because I know you two love each other and that the love you share is deeper than what most people ever get the chance to experience. You can't let your happily ever after walk away simply because you're too scared to stop him." Her rant ended, and she looked at me as if she feared I would attack her or something. She'd definitely given me a lot to think about, but I wasn't mad at her. Not at all.

"Wow, I guess I have some soul searching to do," I said with a small smile to let her know I wasn't angry.

"I just want what's best for both of you," she responded while covering my hand with hers. I was really glad to have her back in my life.

"I know, Alice, and I really appreciate it. It's nice to know you'll tell me what I need to hear even if you think it may not be what I want to hear. I don't know what I'd do without you."

Lots of hugs, mushy words, and puddles of tears later, I found myself pacing my bedroom wondering what the hell I was going to do. Could I really leave Charlie and move all the way to LA when nothing was certain? Not that anything in life was definite. Taking this step would require me to step way out of my comfort zone, and I wasn't sure I was strong enough to take that leap of faith. I decided not to worry about it anymore for the time being and crawled into bed. My latest work assignment was due soon, and it still needed a little tweaking, so I would focus on that the next day and worry about everything else after that.

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**Disclaimer: **I do not make any claims to anything _Twilight_. That honor belongs to Stephenie Meyer. I simply enjoy plucking her characters out of her universe and putting them in mine.

**A/N: **Thanks so much to all of you who are still with me! Hopefully, it won't take me so long to get the next chapter posted. This one was really hard to write because I kept trying to get Edward to change his mind about LA. He just ignored my pleas, though, obviously. I swear these characters have minds of their own. I'm simply a puppet to their whims.


	12. Miscommunication

**A/N:** No, you're not seeing things...this really is an update!

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**From Chapter 10**

_"Look, Bella, I'm not going to lie and say that the fact Edward is my brother doesn't change my opinion on the matter. It's probably not for the reason you think, though. I've watched how much Edward has been suffering since you came back here. Well, he's been a moody fucker ever since that summer after high school, but it's gotten worse lately. When I made the connection between his behavior and your return, I asked him about it. At first, he told me to mind my own fucking business. After awhile, though, he finally told me everything, including finding you in his bed that night." She gave me a very pointed look before continuing. "I love you both, and I just want to see you happy. You both messed up back then. I can't watch the two people I adore most go through that again. I think you should move with him because I know you two love each other and that the love you share is deeper than what most people ever get the chance to experience. You can't let your happily ever after walk away simply because you're too scared to stop him." Her rant ended, and she looked at me as if she feared I would attack her or something. She'd definitely given me a lot to think about, but I wasn't mad at her. Not at all._

_ "Wow, I guess I have some soul searching to do," I said with a small smile to let her know I wasn't angry._

_ "I just want what's best for both of you," she responded while covering my hand with hers. I was really glad to have her back in my life._

_ "I know, Alice, and I really appreciate it. It's nice to know you'll tell me what I need to hear even if you think it may not be what I want to hear. I don't know what I'd do without you."_

_Lots of hugs, mushy words, and puddles of tears later, I found myself pacing my bedroom wondering what the hell I was going to do. Could I really leave Charlie and move all the way to LA when nothing was certain? Not that anything in life was definite. Taking this step would require me to step way out of my comfort zone, and I wasn't sure I was strong enough to take that leap of faith. I decided not to worry about it anymore for the time being and crawled into bed. My latest work assignment was due soon, and it still needed a little tweaking, so I would focus on that the next day and worry about everything else after that._

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**Chapter 11**

**Miscommunications**

Once I was satisfied that my article was as good as it was going to get, I sent it off to my editor and hoped for the best. My concentration had been lacking ever since I returned from my impromptu trip with Edward. He'd declared his love and then told me he was moving to LA. I still wasn't sure how to feel about his impending relocation. His tattoo shop meant a lot to him, and I didn't want to come between him and his dream, but I wasn't sure I was ready to take such a big step with him. In the few days we'd been back home, he had only called me once. We'd talked for all of fifteen minutes before he made an excuse to get off the phone. Part of me realized he was probably trying to give me time to truly consider his offer to go to LA with him, but a big part of me wondered if he regretted making the offer in the first place. After all, he could have any woman he wanted. Certainly, he didn't want to be tied to plain ol' me when he made his fresh start in California. I didn't want to be thought of as some sort of ball and chain, keeping him from going after what he really wanted.

I cried quite a bit those first few nights. Even with Alice's reassurances, I was a mess. I hated that he was putting me in this position, and I hated that his actions had such an effect on my own life. My love of the man was at war with my hatred for him. I'd spent the past four years hating him, so I guessed it was natural to be confused at this point. He was everything I'd ever dreamed he would be and so much more. Even my wildest fantasies couldn't live up to the reality that was Edward Cullen. But there were definitely still times when he infuriated me. I really wanted to think rationally and make the right decision for both of us. This was one time where I knew I could not be completely selfish. Even Charlie factored into the equation. He'd been so happy about me moving back, and I didn't want to disappoint him by moving away again so soon.

There was also the fact that Edward wasn't around to talk all this over with me. His absence hurt. It also reminded me of all those times in high school when he seemed hell-bent on hurting me. I was turning back into that insecure teenager I once was, and I needed to put a stop to that right away. So, I conjured all my girl powers and decided to go out for a night on the town. Of course, Alice was thrilled with the idea, and my little get together quickly spiraled out of control. By eight that evening, I found myself in a car with Alice, Rose, and two other girls I vaguely remembered meeting once or twice. We were headed to Port Angeles because, apparently, there was no such thing as suitable night life in Forks. Unfortunately, Rose and Alice had insisted on dressing me for the night, so I was wearing a way too short for my comfort dress with a plunging neckline that left me feeling way too exposed. If Edward were to see me, I knew he would freak out about it. Not that he had been around to get his opinion.

Fueled with my anger regarding Edward being MIA, I stepped out of the car and followed the girls into the club they'd picked to stop at first. The stares I garnered helped boost my confidence, and I just let go, determined to thoroughly enjoy my night. We danced with random people but stayed together as a group to help keep the guys around us at a safe distance.

After about an hour of letting loose, I was dying of thirst. I let Alice and Rose know that I was going to the bar and got their drink requests before heading off the dance floor. The bartender was adorable and nice. We chatted for a few minutes while he prepared the beverages I'd ordered. He made sure to touch my hand while handing me a glass filled with the fruity concoction Alice had wanted.

"My name is James," he offered just loud enough for me to hear him over the music.

"Bella," I stated in return. I didn't want to be rude, and he was nice to look at, so I didn't see any harm in giving him just my name.

"Nice to meet you, Bella." He smiled and waved away my money when I tried to pay him. "These are on me. I've enjoyed watching you and your friends dance, so it's the least I can do." He gave me another sexy smile and turned to help the next customer.

I worked my way over to a vacant table and got the girls' attention. They sauntered over a few moments later, sweating and smiling happily. This night was turning out way better than I expected.

We were laughing at some couple getting way too into each other on the dance floor when I felt a tap on my shoulder. I looked over to see James with a tray full of replacement drinks. Rose gave him the stink eye when he told us that these, too, were his treat. I hadn't exactly told them he had given us the first round. Rose thanked him but insisted on paying. He grudgingly took her money. Instead of heading back behind the bar, however, he sat down in the chair next to me and put his arm over the back of my seat. I was instantly uncomfortable and regretted my earlier interaction with him. Alice looked as if she were about to pull the guy's arm from his body when an all too familiar hand grabbed the offending appendage and yanked it away from me.

"Edward, I swear, it wasn't what you thought. The dude is one of the bartenders. He introduced himself when I went to get drinks. I gave him my name and let him give me the drinks for free. I realize now that wasn't the smartest thing for me to do, okay? He had just sat down when you appeared. I assure you, nothing happened, and I would have taken care of it," I explained to an irate Edward after he had quickly ushered me outside. "What are you even doing here? How did you find me?" I questioned suddenly realizing he shouldn't be there at all.

"I talked to Jasper when I realized you and Alice were gone. He told me where Alice was planning on taking everyone and I drove straight here," he answered as if it was the most obvious answer in the world.

"So, you're stalking me now? I can't have a girls' night out?" I really did not like where this conversation was going. The anger that had built up over the last few days was fusing with the new frustration, and my emotions were escalating quickly.

"Why didn't you tell me where you were going? Don't I have a right to know what my girlfriend is doing?" he spat in retort. Yep, this was about to get ugly.

"You're girlfriend? Who might that be? Because I sure as hell don't remember you asking me to be yours." It was a low blow, I knew that, but I couldn't stop the words from spewing out of my mouth.

"Seriously? What, are we back in third grade? I told you I love you. I asked you to move to LA with me. Isn't that declaration enough of my intentions where you're concerned, Bella?"

"So, now you're going to insult me by calling me juvenile? I'm not the one who eavesdropped on private conversations. Nor am I the one playing fucked up mind games. You haven't spoken to me in days. I wasn't sure what the hell to think. I just wanted a nice, relaxing evening with my friends, and you ruined it." I watched as my words hit home and felt sufficiently contrite for putting such a sad expression on his face. Before I could even think about apologizing, though, his face hardened.

"I see. Well, I'm so sorry to have spoiled your fun, Isabella," he spat and then turned and made his way toward the parking lot.

I was too stunned to go after him at first, and by the time I did, he was long gone. As upset as I was, our argument validated all the concerns I had regarding moving to LA. We really weren't ready to live together, and I would definitely regret it if I moved there too soon.

That decision made, I worked my way back inside and to the girls. I briefly explained what happened and my subsequent realization as we drove back to Forks. The two other girls who had ridden there with us were catching rides back with some other girls I hadn't even known Alice had invited. I felt bad for cutting our night short, but there was no way I could stay after what had happened.

After insisting on being dropped off at home rather than going back to Alice's as we had originally planned, I said goodnight to the girls and headed straight to bed. My head was too full, and I just wanted to sleep so I wouldn't have to think for a few hours.

My head was pounding when I awoke the next morning. It took a few moments for the events of night before to remind me why I felt so horrible. The sun streamed through the window, making my head and eyes hurt even worse. I flopped back onto my bed after an attempt to sit up made me dizzy. Draping my arm over my eyes to block out the light, I replayed the fight Edward and I had when he found me at the bar with the girls, and James. He really had some nerve showing up there like that. We needed to talk. I wasn't looking forward to it, though.

I busied myself for the rest of morning by taking a nice long shower, getting dressed, and baking. By the time afternoon arrived, I had about a dozen sugary treats setting on various surfaces around the small kitchen. No way were Charlie and I going to be able to eat it all. I wondered what on earth I was going to do with these creations. They had served their purpose, though, of helping to calm my thoughts.

Just as I was returning from dropping off some of the desserts at the police station, I saw Edward's car circle the block and slow down in front of the house. He couldn't see me yet, so I stopped my car and watched him for a few moments. I couldn't really see his face and had no idea what he was doing there. We hadn't exactly parted on good terms. Typically, I was the one who had to seek him out, so I was surprised to see him. I had planned on giving him a few days to calm down before calling him and asking him to meet me somewhere to talk. I had been thinking somewhere public would be best. Apparently, I no longer had a choice. As I was debating turning around and getting the heck out of there, the silhouette of his head turned, and I knew there was no way he hadn't spotted me idling in the middle of the road.

I pulled into the driveway and hopped out of my car, hoping this didn't go as poorly as I feared. Certainly, we could find a way to make our relationship work despite all the things currently working against us. At least, I hoped we could.

"Where have you been?" Edward asked, dissolving what little optimism I had.

"Hello, Edward, I'm doing okay, thanks for asking. How are you?" I asked with a fake smile and a too sweet tone. We definitely were not getting off to a great start.

"Damn it, Bella, I'm not here to fight, okay? I was just worried because no one I talked to knew where you were." He ran his hand through his hair and kicked the gravel at his feet.

"Would you like to come inside?" I offered when I noticed the nosy neighbor lady eyeing us from her living room window across the street. I put aside the fact he had been calling around asking about my whereabouts yet my phone had remained utterly silent, knowing I would be asking him about that later.

"Sure," he replied and followed me to the door.

"Can I get you something to drink?" I called from the kitchen as I headed to the fridge. I needed a distraction while I gathered my thoughts.

"Just water, please."

He was sitting on the couch when I walked in carrying our drinks. His posture was rigid, and I could tell he was nervous about whatever was about to be said between us. I began to worry that we may not be able to fix this, and I might actually lose him.

Tears started to pool in the corners of my eyes, so I turned my face downward as I took a seat in my dad's recliner. It gave me distance while providing me a small amount of comfort. The old chair smelled like my dad and his scent calmed me slightly. I knew that if things ended badly between Edward and me, my dad would still be there for me. He was the one constant in my life and had never let me down. Not even when my mom up and put several states between us. He always found a way to be there for me, no matter what. And in that moment, I wrapped myself in that knowledge, hoping it would get me through whatever the outcome of my discussion with Edward.

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**Disclaimer:** Stephenie Meyer owns these lovable characters. No harm intended here.

**A/N:** So sorry about how long this update took! Thanks so much for reading this despite my failure in updating.


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